"The one with counting down the days..."

For the groom, the most daunting and intimidating predicament that lies in anticipation of matrimony would be hands down the nikah proceedings. Not to be a follower of such popular suit, I am also, by definition gripped by horrifying fear of the said affair. Not that we're not familiar of such things; some prepare months in advance keeping their neurotic emotions subdued, but like a dam that holds the rising tide we're often taken away by our nervousness come that immortal moment.

I can't say that I am prepared for next week. I can't also say that I'm calm for next week. For one, I am a mixture of conundrums; anxious but nervous, scared but excited - feelings reeling a thousand times more, all encased underneath the stretches of my skin. But looking back - this feels right. This feels indefectable, immaculate. This is it. Rewind the clocks back 7 years ago, who would've thought we'd arrive to this absolute climax. We've let our love for each other blossom over the years, and with that learned as much about each other enough to dignify spending the rest of our lives together. Throughout those years, we've been through happiness and angst, blunders and accomplishments - through thick and thin we've stood by supporting each other.

For what it's worth, this is something we've always had in our minds the moment our hearts yearned for each other.

So, looking back to what we've had, and what lies ahead - she's definitely worth all this, but far far, far more.

I love this woman with all my heart, and it is with her only, that I wish to be with for the rest of my life.

-JeP

P.S : Sorry for the recent hiatus, getting married is no walk in the park guys! Looking forward to next Friday though. (Crikes!)

"The one with the motivational speaker..."

Many had come up to me and inquired about chemoboy's endeavors throughout the past few months; how he's coping and how his journey manifested. As I am simply a spectator as with everyone else, I have very little to share as my personal interactions with him bounds within the early spectacles of his ordeal.

Alas, I am compelled to share with you recordings from his last motivational talk in this year's Fresher's Camp 2009. Thank you very much to the people responsible for the uploading of what I personally thought was a heartwarming, as well as inspirational talk.

Watch it here at Inspiring Talk - DR MA Session.

Among his trials and tribulations, bitterness and pain, anguish and woes - comes convivial blessings of triumph, blissful empathic delights and contented, jubilant blithe. He has come a long way, and he has emerged a wiser man. His tale is worth taking note of, if not sought inspiration from.

-JeP

P.S : A good friend of mine had informed me that a fellow friend, Fatin Nadya was among those who're still missing from the Pulau Banggi boat tragedy. Let us all pray that she will be safely found soon and remain under God's merciful protection for the time being, insyaAllah.

"The one with an aunt's birthday..."

Many happy (belated!) returns to MakTam who turns (-insert age here-) last week! :D

Cheers to the woman that I've learned to cherish more as a foster parent over the years. Thank you MakTam for all those days living with you and PakTam nestled under your roof, and for always ensuring that my stay throughout was adequately comfortable. Where I am today, and what I've become - was partly yours' due; and I'm forever in debt for all your kindness and empathy throughout those years. Here's wishing you happiness beyond comparison, and triumphant achievements extending all expectations.

If there's one wish I have for you on the day you turn yet a year wiser - is for you to be bestowed with all the charms and blessings of your life, career and family. All the best for your London endeavors, and for you to return home with that Masters degree under your belt.

-JeP

"The one about my old hometown..."

I can't help but have an embedded sense of fondness towards Kota Kinabalu. Without being ostentatious, every visit back here reminds me a lot about my upbringing and long-lived history with a city which once only had one McD and one Pizza Hut outlet. A place where the idea of a day's out had rarely involved spending precarious time in shopping malls and other man-made establishments. Here, when you spend a day out, you spend it in the most literal sense - outside interaction with nature and it's simplicity.

But perhaps the most enviable aspect of Kota Kinabalu, was how you'd usually end your day. By lounging the straits of the beaches; with a bag of steamed peanuts or corn in one hand and jambu batu (with layers and layers of jeruk, of course!) on the other. Miles and miles of beaches separate you with the ambient South China Sea, in midst of children making sand castles and youngsters having a go at beach soccer. The atmosphere is a mix of local vocals as you share sand space with not only Malays, Chinese and Indians - but also Kadazans, Bajaus and Muruts, among others. In the confines of that ecosystem, the harmony of multi-racism is not only pungently intoxicating, but somewhat natural. Thanks to its abundance of mixed marriages, Sabah is one of very (very) few places where racial tolerance is at its best practiced.

And as you bask in the panoramic yellow and orange sunsets Tanjung Aru has on offer, you constantly assure yourself that there isn't a place better to live your livelihood than KK.

(No visit to KK would be complete without at least a fix of this local delicacy - Yoyo milky tea.)

KK is a harbormaster of many wonderful childhood memories I've experienced in my life. In retrospect, it had garnered significant effect in sculpting my very persona as a grown individual today. I have come to accept KK as my hometown over the years, and it just melts my heart to see how far this city's grown since those days of yesteryear's. Like a proud parent, you look forward to its progression but deep inside you are yourself hesitant to its change. In all honesty, I hope the city I once called home would not lose its identity among erections of those new malls and flyovers.

Whatever future that lies ahead, KK will always remind me of all those bittersweet times I've shared on its soil.

And it's amplified come every visit, every time, every occasion I step forth on its land again.

-JeP

P.S : Back from a-weeks worth of paperwork and bureaucratic red tapes; guess who now has the permission to marry? ;D

"The one about (preparing on) getting married..."

I apologize very much for my recent hiatus.

Truth is, getting married is no laughing matter guys.

Well, it was before - but that was directed AT people, not TO yourself. Having been through it (and still am) I've come to realize that it's now probably a more feasible option to elope, than to actually get properly married. Probably Awie really did have a point doing so in the past. Pun intended, of course.

For those wondering where on earth I am at the moment - rest assured that I'm back in KK for another round of marital preps. I've recently expressed concern over the ambiguous and not to mention, at times also contradictory application procedures to an Imam I met last week. My notion was replied by a unprecedented;

"Ingat senang ke nak kawen..?".

Which is, on its own another contradictory statement. Forgive my laughable knowledge of the religion, but I was always educated under the notion that Islam as a way of life - is both flexible and simple. As a matter of fact, it is one of very few religions on earth that retains these characteristics, while in the same time could remain concisely strict. The teachings are clear, but it also leaves room for improvisation to current conditions and time line. And I was led to believe that getting married involves very little red tape; it revolves around the ijab and qabul side of the nikah, with the parties consisting a wali, three witnesses and the groom. I may be wrong but do allow me the benefit of the doubt.

The point I am trying to make is this - it is (or preferably was) easy to get married. I wonder whether it was this hard to get married a decade, or probably a century ago?

Anyways, it's just my 2-cents worth. By hook or by crook, it does have to be regulated at some stage but how I'd wish regulations can be made more flexible. Alas, this is part of the experience so I guess it'll justify any means of gratification in the future.

If only there was a copy of "Kahwin - For Dummies" available somewhere.

-JeP

P.S : Many more doa's for chemoboy who's battling his last high dose chemotherapy at the moment. The journey may seem bleak but there's always that light at the end of the tunnel. We all continuously pray for your fast recovery and best being.

"The one with a real life Gerry Clarke..."

Of things that melt the heart. Probably a real-life example of Cecelia Ahern's bestseller.

How would we be able to comprehend such maturity and love, one child has for her family. If one can possess such a juxtaposition of affection and empathy with having only experience little in life, do we fall on inadequate pretenses being blessed with a life full of warmth?

Yet, we always seem to be flawless in seeking faults and envy for others. Such irony; seeing that life is far too short to hold grudges and embedded smirks.

-JeP

"The one with a brother's penultimate ordeal..."

The date has been set. The details have been laid out. Expectations are clear, and our hopes are a bucketful of benevolence. We've been anticipating its coming, but dreaded its arrival. Of all the pain and struggle he'd endure, now is crunch time and he'll be needing all the help and prayers he can get.

The details, divulged in chemoboy's latest post.

Hati abang mana yang tidak merintih, membaca betah nukilannya.

We all hope for the best, and that everything goes smooth and with minimal complications. My prayers are always with you, with every passing moment and every passing breath my brother.

-JeP

"The one with getting that viva la vida moment back..."

[Dedicated to all those hard-working grad students drenched in sweat, grit, tears and blood working their best to get that distinguished doctorate title – wherever you are, whatever you do.]

In a nutshell – life has been like opening a can of worms. Ever had that lingering thought where you feel like you’ve accomplished nothing reinforcing, but instead constantly fall short of a panting breath as you rest your frail behind on the couch; after a full day’s worth?

Well, I have. And probably am still in that limbo perhaps.

Like other high spirited, aspiring scientists (hah!) out there – we often hold ourselves as self-proclaimed martyrs; bent on the next Nobel-worthy discovery. I say this in confidence; for all those pursuing their PhD candidature, fingers crossed of course (*wipes sweat off forehead*). Thus in this regard, on certain occasions we may unconsciously put at stake, expectations beyond our own credibility. An honest credential, provided the fact that we are nurtured onto a society which commends and rewards those who are brave and adventurous, and descend instead on the normal and rigid. Congruent it is then; for us to easily stray away from our work, especially when we do not work the plan we initially plan to work. Blame this on eventful distractions, or even our innate ability and susceptibility towards the immortal sin of procrastination. Whatever it may be, each and every one of us grad students constantly live under the fear of inadaptability; the feeling of unworthiness towards our own science – but far worse; that reeling thought of not being able to finish our dissertations on time!

But then again, it took a 30-minute general discussion with a colleague of mine to put things back into perspective. Simply put; the fears we all have are products of our own design. A flaw articulated by our own virtue of scaring the crap out of ourselves. We busy ourselves thinking about what may or may not even come to be – and in return, we actually forget about the present. Busy worrying about that research experiment waiting to happen (in a month’s time), but wail on work which is due tomorrow. The inconvenient truth is; we stray from our work as a direct consequence of escapism, to the inevitability that we think we may screw up bad or even flunk out of candidature – thrashing out the fact that the sole reason why we got here in the first place is by virtue of our own accomplishments, and nothing less. We are here on our own accord, and we definitely are able to do all this. Or else, we wouldn’t have made it this far.

In research, we become our own best mate, and our worst enemy. Our accomplishments vary only by the soles of our own abilities, and our best is only a measure of our own dedication. In research, progress is fueled by the inquisition of perseverance and hard work, and that little sprinkle of lucky dusts along the way. We defy the masses, work within our own school of thought – pursuing the defying sciences, which may have only been an imagination in days of our forefathers. In provident prudence and foresight, our journey is a canvas we convey – we being the only ones knowing its potential, prospects, and in that forethought – its end. We are those who are brave and adventurous; but why do we limit ourselves to falter the war, when the battle hasn’t even been fought?

Don’t hold back, and always know – that all the answers will indeed unfold. When are how, only we would know.

So, what are you waiting for?

Spread your wings, and soar.

-JeP

P/S : Thanks Barry for inspiration to pen down this post.

"The one with the birthday boy..."

Happy Birthday Chemoboy!

Here's wishing you another round of warm wishes, bucketful of joy and streams of happiness. May you always fall under the grace of Allah SWT, be blessed with a wonderful and grandly illustrious life ahead of you. There may lie hard and arduous trenches ahead, but we all know that whatever God tests you with - you'll surpass them with great patience, diligence and heartfelt empathy.

Nothing but the best wishes accompany you today, and every passing day after. Your well-being and good health are always in my prayers; in the anticipation of that grand reunion soon enough. Selamat hari lahir my brother, and many happy returns.

-JeP

"The one where I got another raya card..."

Of things that melts the heart...

Got it in the mail yesterday. Thank you so much my dearest. Your card (although a few days late ;p) had indeed made my day. Thank you for going through the hassle of getting me one, as we always do every year for each other. Selamat Hari Raya to you as well. Miss you lots, can't wait to see you come year end.

-JeP