"The one with the realizations a birthday brings..."

"Everyone says turning 30 is a scary milestone in life. Everyone, might be (a tad too) exaggerating."

- A 30-year old optimist.

The first of many more birthdays to come (insyaAllah) that I get to celebrate with my own family.

This year I decided to be back in Sabah during my birthday - to pay homage to a place I have spent my childhood and most of my upbringing at. The place embodies a great fraction of my life's journey, and with its forbearance has had a huge influence on the person I am today. This would also be a trip home for Fifah and Ayra, as our last trip here was all the way back in November last year. I made it a point to promise myself, that I would frequent travels here as often as time and money afforded us three to - especially for Ayra since this was her birthplace. 

Mt. Kinabalu - An unobstructed view from Bundu Tuhan. Witnessing such a majestic view subjects you to such respect for nature, and the world in its entirety.

A morning walk - something Ayra does not equally liked as we did.

Truth is, sentiments surrounding my birthday this year appears uncannily similar as compared to the preceded years. I guess I have reach a standpoint in my life that age becomes just a number. Or I may be experiencing a bout of subliminal denial; failure to acknowledge the disembarkation from the fertile 20s into the more 'refined' 30s - I can't really say. But with the coming of this birthday, I am immediately, and repeatedly assured of a simple, continuous truth.

That I am lucky to be alive, and to be living the life I am bestowed with. 

And also for the fact that my life has been an instrumental lesson in learning to be humble, grateful and thankful for all the blessings I have been rewarded with. Blessings, that I may have realized or have passed by without my knowing. I have a lot to be grateful for than I have to be unappreciative about. These days it seems easier to place wicked, adulterated comments in an evenly putrid ambiance of hatred and negativity. I feel that these days we spend less time to stop and mind ourselves of our standpoints in this life - maybe modernistic social obligations has subliminally molded us towards being more individualistic creatures; to be more calculative of others, therefore leaving no room for flexibility nor for any air to buffer in when it comes to our relationships with other people. That's why we tend to forget the things people have done for us, but instinctively remember instead what they have inflicted upon us. It usually takes forever to gain one's respect, but an instant to simply lose it again.

Truthfully, there are times when I look at others with a gleaming sense of envy and jealousy; even in my darkest thoughts secretly hiding a passion to see them fall or fail. A subject of human nature, a characteristic I am inconveniently inherent of - but definitely not proud on admitting. In reminiscence, when I compare myself with others I realized that I have instead, fail to mirror myself of my own accolades. Nine times out of ten - it becomes vividly clear that they are often no better than us, nor are we a victims of any shortfalls as well. We are all beneficent in our own ways, in our own presence. We just falter the vision for it, and we look at our lives through the wrong set of perspectives.

God is Great, God is Just, and God is Equal to us all.

One of the biggest blessings in my life, is the honour of being married to the most wonderful (and equally beautiful) woman on earth - my dearest wife Fifah.

So in the advent of my birthday this year, I feel obliged to change the way I behave towards people and the mentality I use to manage my life. Life becomes easier after all, when you learn to accept an apology you never got. It is too short to tie grudges, and too light to burden such heavy worries. I should strive to live without provisions of excuses, and to love with no association of regrets. Sometimes we believe so much to the uncertain future, that we don't take hold of the present. Therefore sometimes it is permissible to let go of the life I have planned for myself, in order to ordain the life that has always been waiting for me. I should learn to appreciate more the efforts of others, no matter how small, and to better recognize such gestures when one does. To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world.

To us - she is our world, and we pray that we will continually be a part of hers too.

I should continually remind myself that money should not be a governor of one's life. It is only as powerful as the hold you associate yourself to it, and money can only be as functional as how you spend it. We are only as rich as the life we are living; not the life we dream of, and definitely not the lives of others around us. Money can always be lost, but can equally be earned and gained through life - but no surmountable amount of wealth will bring oneself peace and contentment, serenity and tranquility, love and a loving family. These are the things that matter in life, and these are often the things that we overlook.

I wish to convey my sincerest gratitude to everyone who has wished me on my birthday, and those who have shared equally warm messages and thoughts. I appreciate them so very much, and thank you for reminding me of a life worth living. My desire is for everyone to be blessed a wonderful, joyful life - devoid of calamities and grief. May only good things come your way, and may success be a norm for the days and years to come.

I also wish to make a difference in the world. And this clip is testament to the fact that if  change is to take place - a good place to start from is within us.

In the wisdom of Langston Hughes;

"Life is for the living, death is for the dead. Let life be a music, and death a note unsaid."

-JeP