I have been very busy, lately. Inundated with my daily routines in the university whilst at the same time juggling responsibilities as a father and husband at home. Undeniably, my respect goes to the many noble parents shouldering a similar honor to mine - albeit making them look trivial and natural.
One would argue, that with proper maintenance of time and space, this proverbial work-life relationship could be balanced properly and order can therefore be restored to ones' sanity. But linking hypotheses to actuality is somewhat lest a prominence towards the truth. I have realised, from my very petite experience as a father and husband - that sometimes, on certain occasion, it is best to throw caution to the wind. The very nature of 'plan, care and preparation' is ones' devotion towards uncertainty, so sometimes it may just be best - to hope for the best.
As a parent, it is just natural to feel very defensive and protective of your child. It is innate in every father or mother to protect them from any harm the world readily has, even to an extent of limiting them to any worldly interaction possible. Though this means well - I affirm to the notion that one would not experience development without the strain of pain and risks. My mom terms this "calculated risks" in her many lectures to us, growing up.
I forget that, sometimes.
For Ayra's every fall, knock and cry, I am immediately swallowed by the kind of guilt of being a bad parent entails. Whenever she is unhappy and cranky, I uncomfortably feel that it is because of me - my failure to provide her the happiness that she deserves. But once in a while - I am reminded that without struggle and pain, one will not muster the courage to learn and overcome. Fear can only be overcome through courage, and this can only come through learning and facing the challenges head on.
Last fortnight, I witnessed Ayra standing on her own. I could not have been more proud of my darling daughter.
Last week, I had a full on '30 minute-conversation' with Ayra - babbling as if we understood exactly what each other meant, bearing a connection indescribable of words.
Ayra is growing up - sometimes so fast Fifah and I need to pace ourselves. She is growing to be a very apt learner, a novice of students, and (in our eyes) the cheekiest of infants. Upon realizing her development, I am reassured that both Fifah and I are doing an 'okay' job so far. Falling, tumbling, and being cranky is part of her growing up. I tell this to everyone all the time, but when it comes to your own affairs it is a harder truth to swallow. Most important is that, at the end of the day she gives you that cheeky smile and you witness peace and serenity watching her sleep.
That gives you an indication she is going to be okay, and you are doing an okay job so far.
And that gives you the greatest satisfaction of all, and makes all those sleepless nights as well as tiresome days, worthy - by leap and bounds.
Alhamdulillah, may God grant my Ayra the best of upbringings and utmost joys of growing up - and may God grace Fifah and I the empathy of making "calculated risks" in helping her achieve them, insyaAllah.