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Friday, February 20, 2009

"The one with living in the moment..."

Do you know where you'll be in ten years? A decade of time, passing adrift through life's luminous facade further into the future. I sure can't, and I'm certain any mortal would not best this as well. In solid vindication, this archaic knowledge is God-graced and because of that we respite religiously that everything is God's will, or God-willing, and everything is insyaAllah.

I'm laying this persona on the table not because I'm currently high on anything volatile, nor am I on a certain trance, that I start getting indulged in everything melancholic (read : jiwang) and rosy. It's just that Casey was just the best Malaysian male Jazz-singer in the early 90s.

Slash that last sentence.

Which brings me back to the irony - are we too dwelled in knowing the future, that we forget to live in the present? We don't get directions in life. We only see signs and receive guidance to aid us to where we want to go. I don't know where I'll turn out to be, in carrier or location, be it even next month, next year. All I can do is plan, and hope for the best in everything. As humble subjects, this is the least that we can do. In God's eyes, this is also called prayers.

That's why, with a week before my flight I'm deciding to start my doctorate journey with the most positive mind; that I shall try my best and make the best of everything - just to cross my fingers and cup my hands wishing for God to be kind on me. Life's is as temporary as seasons pass, and with all in it we should cherish its coming whatever it may be.

Yesterday when I was cooking dinner with Mom, my thoughts inclined to a moment not so distant to my meals with chemoboy while in the UK. One of which, was the Oasis pizzas we had in front of the telly while the usual BBC weather was running. Dinner was simple then, just two boxes of pizzas meant for us each. Not sure what I ordered but delicious it was for sure. We were not really engaged in any heavy conversation, as the journey from Broomhill from where the pizzas were purchased had tired us previously. It was however, one of many reminders from my wonderful experience staying in Sheffield.

Now everytime I come across a pizza outlet or happen to stumble upon a pizza advert I'll always remember Sheffield and the UK so vividly. The memory resonates ever so heavily, when I'd think of the circumstances that led me being there in the first place. I do hope that everything is well with Afzal, now that he's halfway into his regime. I've witnessed extreme courage and willpower when I was there to share his journey, and I've always prayed this consistency to aid him through to the end. If granted, I wouldn't even think twice on the thought of taking another flight back to Broomhall. But I realized that I've already been given my share of the burden, and that it is now somebody else's to harbour. I am just happy that I've made the best of my share, and hopefully had given Afzal even the slightest reason to keep on bouting till the last drop of ABVD flowing through his cannula.

Thinking back - that's why I really missed UK, not because I was only there for 9 weeks. But because I'd live my life there in the moment; not knowing of what's in store for my suprise every morning I open my eyes. Planning was everything, but there are certainly times where it never does go the way we'd expected. We make do of what we have, and the time we're given. So it is with this realisation I shall board the flight borne to Melbourne with; that if I do everything to the best of my abilities, then I shall be doing no wrong at all.

-JeP

P/S : Andi's been under the weather the last few days. Too much work, with too little rest. Kesian PTD officer sorang ni. As I passed him a bottle of Brands Essence of Chicken yesterday, I was taken back again to the times when the one being cared for was our younger brother. That's just how the three of us roll - always watching over each other's back.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Had a sudden rush of needing an Oasis Pizza soon after reading this entry. Abg Azhar dipaksa berkongsi kos pembelian untuk Double Pepperoni Pizza and ur favourite ham pizza. Sedap =)