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Sunday, November 12, 2006

"The one with some raya tips..."


After a few open-houses these last few weeks; I came to the conclusion that a successful visit to someone else's house relies solely upon chance that you follow some simple rules. See them as guidelines if you may, but these points can save you complete humiliation, a lot of ngumpat-ing
and probably public bans. Here are, Jep's 10-rule of house-hunting :

Rule 1 : Always give your salam before or upon reaching the gate. This applies whenever you're visiting a common friend's new house or a new neighborhood.

Rule 2 : As you venture into the household play the 'giraffe stance mode'; scout for familiar faces to make sure you did get the right house and the right person. There's nothing more humiliating than to make a quick U-turn away from an open house of a stranger.

Rule 3 : It is always customary to bersalam-salam with every individual presently in the house - note that this also includes those with food in their hands (and mouths) as well as those whose hands are kinda moist (on some occassion, wet). Avoid being 'overly nice' by not bersalaman with the opposite sex as some people would just ignore it and leave you jaded.

Rule 4 : Upon entering the house; consider this simple rule of 'seniority-versus-placement' rule - more senior people get to sit on the sofa, less senior ones can sit only on the chairs (if empty), and the most less senior only inhabits the floor. Practice good bersila-tactics. Chances are you'll be in this position for a long time in an open-house.

Rule 5 : Always allow 5-10 minutes to an ice-breaking session. Don't be smart by just waltzing to the food table and getting food, even if your stomach churns the whole national anthem out. People would be staring, plus you'll then be in the spotlight. No one want to potray you as a cheapskate coming just for free food.

Rule 6 : In an event where you can't find something common to talk about with people; just start talking about the weather. Believe me, this works a charm.

Rule 7 : When you already find the conversation leading nowhere, or your stomach had finished churning the national anthem and starts vibrating to a Beetles song, start talking crap - a good way to do this is to talk about what you do. In my case, start elaborating on my thesis project. This would be accompanied by uncomfortable silences afterwards and is cue you can finally proceed to the food table.

Rule 8 : Plan your eating regime - no, this isn't some dietary advice. Don't attempt to do the 'ice-kacang' mode, stuffing your plate with towers of food. In fact, go through all the food choices your first round and take only a portion. Then perform multiple visits back to the food table and get the remaining foods you've left. Remember; moderation at this point goes the whole way. Chances are you can go home stuffed with foods the point you'd suffocate and still appear like you're a complete gentlemen.

Rule 9 : Always, I mean always compliment the food. No matter how bland it taste, or how much it induces you to vomit out yesterday's food. It's good ethics plus you might be offered take-aways of any food of your choice. For students, this means free dinner food (or if preservation is optimum, maybe even tommorow's breakfast) .

Rule 10 : When leaving, it is crucial to talk about asking them to come over to your house (even though you live at the university-housings) just to be nice. They'll usually say insyaAllah but everyone knows that they wouldn't. If possible, give duit raya to families with kids. In the event that you only can give little (note: less than RM2), disguise with a flashy savvy angpow envelope.

Now, these rules apply for most individuals but completely exemplified if you're under 12 or physically challenged (attn : short and appear much, much younger than you are) . Simply adhere to these roles and I think you'll be fine. I know I did, because most of the time I come back stuffed till the food drips from my noses; and always with a tapau bag of sate' and such.

Happy open-house hunting people! :-)

-JeP

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Guide untuk open house hunting kat UK ade x? huhu...