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Sunday, June 04, 2006

"The One with something to look forward to.."

These few days I've lost track of the dates (is today June 4th?).

To sum the last few weeks up; life's usual rollercoaster ride. Galloping and whopping as well as tumbling, tilting from one side to the other in a meticulously fluctuating trail - yup that's how life has been for me. Complicated as it resounds yet everything is worth it for the presence of a blessed entity; my dearest Fifah.

I believe the last statement deserves no explanation nor justification...;-)

Sometimes any given timespan would never suffice for the both of us to spend time together - if it were the case for all loving couples then relationships would be dull and relentlessly boring right? Now, Fifah always nagged me for my clarity and openness to public upon how I feel about her (she's the shy type - you see?) but my point here is nowadays I have nothing else to look forward to; and the fact that she's away yet once again I'm again at a rather moody slump at the moment. Which through time will heal, perhaps.

Though the five days it lasted while she was here - it was the happiest times of my life since I came here. Being with the one your very fond of and spending every bit of the day together, I believe is the closest thing to heaven you'd feel in a relationship. The people I've introduced her to, movies we shared, the places we've been to (IKEA in particular), the time she spent shopping (and me waiting)....if this is what's a taste for things to come, I'm looking forward for more endeavours such as these with her in the future.

Oh, and we had her suprise birthday party at Domino's as well - thanks to all our friends that turned out that day, I appreciate your support and kindness. Also to all my buddies in UPM for your sincere openess to make her feel at home when she was here (you guys know who you are!)...God bless all of you! :-)

Speaking of being in conundrums - my PTD's final interview after both the exam and PAC shall commence in two weeks. Really haven't made up my mind yet as to what to choose. I mean, I enjoy teaching and learning and all but it seems now to me that my research is going nowhere and that the whole situation in the local research institutions and research scenarios leaves nothing long-term to look forward to. It's getting more political these days, and what started as just a pure pursuit of chasing knowledge now is disguised with the bad traits of chronisme and nepotisme as well as social politics. It doesn't seem that we'd progress far in science now than we would've in the past. Ask most of my collegues in UPM and they'll play you the same song.

Plus, apparently the uni still hasn't decide whether to take me in as a tutor or not - their underlying excuse once again is that they haven't decided on a date for my interview yet, for it's hard to gather all the big shots (TNC, NC, etc) together, they say. I say it's political crap, plus how does the TNC and NC has anything directly concerned to the Faculty? The decision is justifiable enough just to the Dean to call, I feel. No need for these bureaucracy crap. These kinda so-called 'protocols' that'll repent the research progress in our nation, actually rather than set a standard. Ironic.

Plus lately I'm feeling more fitting to be in management, human relations (I've been heading a few projects the past few days and it turned out great) etc and there's a sense of satisfaction doing all these stuff. Of course most of the people around me say my strength is research; but I guess Fifah had a point when she said that my greatest strength is whatever I set my mind into.

I believe that to be true, because that's how it's been since I left secondary school. So I guess its safe to say that the scale's tipped on favor of PTD at the moment - but I'm leaving it to fate; whichever offer comes first. I still have to discuss this with my supervisor as well as my parents on their take regarding this matter.

A lot of things going on, a lot of things still worth looking forward to, I presume. For what it's worth, we're ordinary people - sometimes we just don't know where to go, but most of the time the choices we make will make the best of us.

Que sera sera.



Pilot Whale said...

welcome to the real world bro! i might not have had a proper job or been in ur position but i've met all these bureucratic crap since the first day i set foot in U...
oh well, nothing we can do about it now, so let's just make something of ourselves, be big n important so that in the future we can change all this... i just pray that when we do become 'someone', we remember all this and do something about it, insya Allah...

Anonymous said...

Hi Sayang,
Thanks for such a wonderful entry about my trip to KL seeing you. =) I had d greatest time as well, now back to my usual situation, missing you like hell. ;(
About ur predicament, juz hang in there syg. I know tht whatever u'll end up doing, u'll be great at it, insya Allah. Now im not juz saying tht coz im ur sayang,but coz i believe in u,like so many others.
All d best in anything u do syg, n have a great time doing it as well. Talk to u later k. Love u!!

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