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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

"The one with a warm Eid in the coldest of springs..."

I have always harbored this bewildered, perplexing idea that I'll dread this year's Eids. What with myself being away from the family, and with chemoboy's challenges; I must admit - the notion of spending my most favorite yearly occasion overseas was not high on my list of things to do before I push 4o. Realizing God often convey rewards serendipitously in light of malevolence, I instead focused my ailing thoughts entirely on this entity called optimism. Like Jay Livingston's fictional motto - I left everything to chance; in that que sera sera spirit.

Alhamdulillah, such tranquil is the solace of faith.

Have you ever had that bemusing thought; a euphoric moment, so sensational it falters the conventions of your emotional palate? An ovation of feelings, a gasp of emotions both heart warming and heart wrenching - your lips tries a smile but instead carves a smirk? At the back of your mind, you try to fathom the happiness that you have - but instead muse in apprehension that there's still a huge piece missing from it all. This Eid's been a roller coaster of thoughts and articulated feelings, for the manner of which it was celebrated.

But, in respite - I am in debt to God for His every blessings in these very trying times.

I have always been blessed by having a little family away from home, everywhere I go, wherever I am and whatever path I am led on to. If you'd asked me how my raya went - I'd have only an answer to say and that it was surprisingly great. I'm thankful God has given me a chance to enjoy my Eids again this year. And I'm even more gratified for all the beautiful people He has added to me here - to the already colorful set of families I have.
My first Eid celebration abroad has been a very interesting and wonderful experience indeed. I have witnessed gestures of love, affection, warmth, and closeness which may not (or within reason, would never) equal my family's - but by far the difference equals a very fine line. True to test, nothing beats the feeling of being able to personally endure these such moments in your life; it shapes your very character and perseveres your roots. Testament to this, I fall back on a celestial thought that the farther you push yourself; to more you'll learn, the more you'll gain, and the more you'll appreciate. My thanks goes to everyone that shared a laugh this Aidilfitri with me here in Melbourne, and also to those who I always hold dear in my heart as well as those who have me in theirs.

A friend once asked me why I preferentially am inclined a portraitists in the pictures I took this Eids. In a verbal nod I attribute this to the simple apprehension of facial expressions versus emotions. But in actual connotations, every portrait represents parts that remind me of home. Every picture reminds me of those six people I'll always have wherever I am.
These pictures remind me of my family, my home. Mom. Dad. Andi. Afzal. Aiysha. Atiqah. With all those smiles, joy and smirks - within these pictures, I am reminded of them all.

I have learned that - if you focus on things you don't have; you'll have nothing. But if you focus on the things you already have; then you'll realize you'd have everything.

-JeP

P/S : I believe mom's already on her way back home from an Eid's well spent with chemoboy. In my prayers I do hope they've had a great one, in hopes that he'll at least be high in spirit for his next radical dose tomorrow. I wish him all the strength one can muster come this week's ordeal.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Assalamualaikum,

I'm back..reached KLIA abt 2.15pm,by the time cleared immigration n got my baggage n taxi, it was close to 4pm. Sampai rumah abt 4.45pm, terus tidur..for the first time, I am like papa, jet lag kicked in early.

The trip to UK this time around is memorable. I could see Afzal turn cheery with family members around, forgetting his pain for a while. I just wish I could have stayed longer. But at least now, Pak Tam is there, so if need be we can rely on him to look in on chemoboy.

Ever since he has been staying for long periods in the hospital, chemoboy has been watching a lot of tv programmes. His favourite advert is for "Tropicana" orange juice that comes with the song "How do you like your eggs in the morning..." sung by Dean Martin n one lady singer whose name I can't recall. Ainul also know this song...look up U-tube to listen to it...

I'm glad you manage to have a nice Eid among friends and newly "adopted" families. Like I said, u r so adorable, it is not difficult to like you, so I'm not surprised you blend in easily. Nevertheless, it's that positive attitude of yours that will help you in difficult times. Keep up the good effort of bonding n creating rapport because it's good investment.

P/S: Dalam flite fr. Manchester to Dubai, I sat next to one elderly British couple, on their way to Perth! Apparently they are staying there with their son. They have a daughter in Manchester. Apa lagi, kitaorang berborak macam kawan lama la, sampai her husband mati kutu tak ada orang nak layan bercakap. In the end, she knows I have 5 children, n 1 in Melbourne, n also pasal chmoboy. Masa nak keluar plane, she whispered to me,with teras welling in her eyes (no kidding!)"I'll pray for your son!"....mama.

JeP said...

Welcome home mom!

I'm sure chemoboy had a nice raya along with you guys. For what it's worth, I know his spirit is renewed for the next treatment insyaAllah.

Knowing how kuat berceloteh you are mom, I'm sure macam2 dh kuar cerita kat the British couple kan. But I'm touched that when it comes to humane empathy, there is some sort of unification in religions. Sometimes these sort of support keeps us going, and levels our hopes for the best in things kan.