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"The one with being grateful..."

2012-02-03T13:14:00.006+08:00

Living in a world passionately afflicted with material things, the intuition of gifts becomes the norm when celebrating one's birthday. Mine was no exception, a reality I concurred when my dearest Fifah asked of what I wanted as a birthday present.

"What do you want for your birthday this year, sayang? Anything you'd like."

"Entahlah, I pun tak sure apa I nak tahun ni."

[ I don't know, what I want (as a gift) this year.]

The truth is, my mind really did cast a blank thinking of what to have. It wasn't because I was shying away from the pleasure of redeeming something for no recompense (contrary to me being known to be very wanting of things!) either. A debate sparked in me about the notions of wanting over requiring, pleasures over needs. It's my birthday, I thought - surely this commends an exception of the rule for procuring treats and benefaction?

But later that night, after prayers I had a quiet conversation with myself;

"What more would I ask for? More money? More gadgets, perhaps? Probably a nice shirt, or a fancy meal at a fancy restaurant?

What more could I receive, that I haven't?"

Throughout my life, I have been endowed many wonderful things, blessed with feats and achievements I could never have asked for. I am lucky to have, when I have not asked. I look at my life with tears brimming in my eyes, with warmth emanating from my heart. SubhanaAllah, to ask for anything more stands a bonus I may not have been worthy of.

In my own thoughts, I was ashamed of myself.

It was not until on my birthday that I was made to realize God's grand plan, of imparting me a grand lesson. He was teaching me the lesson of being grateful, and more thankful for everything I once had, and still have.

And grateful, is what I should be.

It is fairly hard to find (if any) pictures of both my parents smiling - it's either one's smiling and the other's putting on a strong face, or both candidly caught being serious. Doesn't mean that they're not on good terms most of the time - they love each other ever since the day they were married. I look at this picture, and I am reminded of all the happiness I have, which others would give the world for.

That is what I want this year, on my birthday. No gadgets, no extra money, no fancy dinner at a fancy restaurant. If there is one thing I can ask for - it is for me to be more grateful for such a wonderful life. Sure, I have had (and still have) my fair shares of ups and downs; triumphs and failures; happiness and sadness; valiance and regrets, but I have not come away from any of them empty handed nor unscathed. Every experience in my life has brought me wisdom, and every wisdom has had an impact in sculpting the individual that I am to this day.

I am thankful for a wonderful family that is ever so kind to me, loyal friends with nothing but warm wishes for me, and being married to a wife whom I love, and loves me back.

I am grateful for wealth which may not be bountiful, but within the means that I require.

I am contented with the little possessions that I have, for they serve a purpose and have meaning in my life.

And I am obliged of a life not lived on a bed of roses but on pebbles and sands - for with each step I learn to appreciate even more, the paths that passed.

I believe, that you are the poorest, if you look at the things you don't have in life. But you are the richest instead, when you look at the things that you do have in life.

Alhamdulillah. God knows best.

Being away and independent from home, both Fifah and I learned to appreciate the subtleties and the more simplistic blessings in life. We enjoyed each other's company more. We cherished small talks over menial disputes during meals. Because we are living in a smaller circle of friends here, we have discerned the concept of acceptance regardless of belief, disposition and constitution. In lieu of that, we became more accommodating of new people, and arrest any early judgments and discernment at face value. Our mentalities shifts perspective; life is too valuable to be constantly clinging on the edge - sometimes it is worth the while to stop, sit down and indulge ourselves within the presence of the present. My father said that you can find inspiration all around you, if you take the time to appreciate your surroundings. The whole world is an opportunity for gratification.

Like riding a bike uphill - don't forget to look back once in a while, and smile. We've all come a long way through life, and though it's a long way up still, we would never be at the same spot if we keep on moving.

My sincerest, most humble gratitude to all dearly missed friends and most loved families for their wonderful wishes during my birthday last week. Thanks for reminding me that I have been blessed with love all my life. You have inspired me to become who I am today, and I can never be a better person. My prayers are for each and every one of you to be bestowed with the same exuberance and gaiety, if not more insyaAllah.

Birthdays often conveys meaning of celebration for the previous year we lived, but I'd like to see it as a commemoration of how we have lived that previous year. Life is an ever constant journey, but to appreciate its nooks and crannies makes it worthwhile.

-JeP

P.S : Thank you mom for a wonderful post in my dedication. You and papa have always been an inspiration for everything I do, and will be for the rest of my life.

"The one with sharing your birthday with a nation..."

2012-01-30T08:34:00.000+08:00

You just can't help but fall in love with Melbourne sometimes.

It's surprising to think of how much Melbourne takes the cake when it comes to being such an international city. The city's entire population is truly a melting pot of diverse people, culture and ethnicity. Being in modern day Australia means to live in tolerance and respect of each other's indifference and uniqueness; and Australia Day is the best medium to which this spirit is aptly celebrated.

The Australia Day parade never fails to remind me that despite our differences - we are share the same planet. This, in a nutshell, was how I spent my birthday; hope it brings you as much joy as it did me.

From India to China, and even a galaxy far, far away...the Australia Day parade truly had it all.

Of course - who better to spend your birthday with but your loving, wonderful wife?

I love buskers and street performers - the world is their stage, and we are their audience.

Thanks Azah for going through the hassle of getting me something!

Lunch at Secret Recipe, Melbourne Central - *sigh* You can take the Malaysian out of Malaysia, but not the Malaysia out of the Malaysian indeed.

There's another sign that read - Buy now or Cry later. I kid you not.

Ever the wonderful friend - thanks Umar for coffee!

Melbournians take their coffee seriously - where else could you enjoy such artistry?

At the Melbourne Press Coffee House.

Tea-time savoring a Malaysian favorite.

Of course, puns aside - I really had a pleasant birthday this year. Spent it alongside extraordinarily exquisite friends, shared copious laughs and smiles, and felt all the love one could ask for. Makes being away more bearable, and inspires me to strive to be a much better person for the years to come.

My most humble gratitude to my darling Fifah and everyone for a birthday well spent.

-JeP

"The one about reminiscing Eid in January..."

2012-01-16T16:15:00.000+08:00

I was ransacking through a few albums I took of the Malaysian community in Melbourne last year, and thought that I'd share the photo excerpts of our last Eid-ul-Adha celebrations. Malaysian may be known for many stigmas and associations, but lest there be one thing we're very good at - it's at making the most out of a current situation.

We all may be thousands of miles apart from our homeland and families, but we make do with the 'families' we've made in this temporary 'home' of ours. Hope these pictures show you how warm and wonderful the celebrations were.

The prominance of the Eid takbeer is most vivid during these times of congregation.

The customary Eid sermon.

Fifah's grand attempt at recreating Eid classics - a venture she has excelled at, I must say.

Thanks for coming to our open-house, guys!

Children are to gatherings, as icing is to a cake. Their presence not only makes the festivities merrier, but their knacks and demeanor are nothing short of amusing; no celebration would ever be sweeter without their presence!

Sometimes whenever I miss those whom I love and miss back home, I reminisce the good friends and company I have here through these sightly reminders. Though they may never replace them, but it sure puts yourself in perspective; whenever God hands you lemons, you make lemonade of them.

-JeP

"The one with the scones you can't put down..."

2011-12-20T09:00:00.000+08:00

Last Aidilfitri back home I had the opportunity to sample what I would say, the best scones this part of the equator. Being not particularly a connoisseur of such delicacies nor possessing yet the ample knowledge of bakery and crockery, but speaking as a conventional layman - you won't find any scone better in KL than Zee's Scones.

My acquaintance with Zee can be traced to almost 15 years ago - back when I was still in high school. In reminiscence she has always had an inclination on everything related to the culinary scene. She had been trained in Europe (apart from the other accomplishments filling her resume!) and when she returned back to Malaysia she made sure to share this wonderful talent of hers with the world.

Zee's Scones come in four tantalizing flavors - all baked fresh to order.

At time of press - Zee bakes four types of scones fresh-to-order; Raisins, Apricot & Raisins, Raisins with Cinnamon and Cranberries & Orange. Haven't had the juncture of tasting the raisin varieties but the latter tasted divine! Suffice to say the 20-scones (she'll even sneak an extra one or two, if you ask nicely..:D) we ordered were gobbled straight away in minutes. Did I mention that the scones were complimented perfectly with her homemade rendition of lemon curd?

If your tummy aches for some baked goodies - these are the scones that'll ease that yearning.

If you can look at this without salivating - my God you have a gift.

Fancy an English treat?

Warning : Images may induce udder temptation.

The master baker herself (not the one on the right though!) - my old friend Zeehan Zahari.

So the next time you feel like having scones - don't forget to give Zee's a try!

-JeP

"The one place we call home..."

2011-12-13T13:49:00.003+08:00

I think there exists a delicate yet profound association between a house, and a home. A house is where you return, to seek subtle composure from the hurries of everyday life; but a home - is where you return instead, to seek yourself; in emancipation from the entanglements of everyday life.

Masjid Besi (literally means 'Steel Mosque') - Putrajaya, Malaysia.

Home is that transitional abode which reminds us of our foundations, our grounding, our journey on becoming who we are. Home is where we return to when our lives need reaffirming, rearranging, resetting. For many, home provides the vitality to withstand the adversities and hardships of life. And the most wonderful thing about a home, is its fundamental notion of being an idea.

A house is somewhere, but a home can be anywhere.

The budding entrepreneur - Bukit Jalil, Malaysia.

Perhaps it is that distinct feeling of familiarity, a shared connection which makes being home so pleasant. But perhaps, a home is not only the physical state of being somewhere - but coexisting with those whom we find homage in. If some can infer a home in most hardened of places, then I guess home is simply just a state of mind.

A female affair - Restoran Umai, Putrajaya.

Siblings - Kuala Terengganu, Malaysia.

Living abroad has really inculcated me with a different perspective in life. Being away makes me appreciate home more. Albeit all the intense traffic, extreme weather and humidity - nothing beats the local touch. Our forefathers probably had it right all along;

"Hujan emas di negeri orang, hujan batu di negeri sendiri - baik lagi di negeri sendiri."

(Though we prosper in foreign land and endure hardship on local soil - we're better off on local soil.)

Our new home - Bangi, Malaysia.

Though being a (very) temporary reprieve, tis' really good to be home.

-JeP

"The one with the malware syndrome..."

2011-11-15T10:20:00.001+08:00

Dear loyal readers,

I apologize for the absence of posts - the blog's sick at the moment.

Will get back to posting soon, while I chase the bug that has been wreaking havoc within the inner workings of this blog.

-JeP

"The one with them graduates..."

2011-10-25T09:32:00.003+08:00

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. But today? Today is a gift. That is why we call it the present."

-B. Olatunji

Melbourne had just concluded another wonderful graduation season last Friday. Though Melbourne stayed true to its 4-seasons-in-a-day weather, the grounds of universities all over Victoria still flourished and thrived with the convocation of many smiles and joys, as the masses paid respect to friends and colleagues who had work so hard to earn them over the years.

Congratulations to these wonderful individuals on their graduations; it's been a long time coming and now it is your time to shine. Kudos and salutations to Dr. Nurhidanatasha, Dr. David Piper, Dr. Michael Gilbert and Dr. Rob Forrest for graduating with their respective doctorates last week. All of whom, are colleagues of mine which had helped me tremendously at some point in my ongoing PhD research. Also, congratulations to my former housemate Hazimin Jasmani, who had graduated with a Masters in Finance as well.

[Dr. Nurhidanatasha and family]

[L-R : Dr. Conor Hogan, Dr. David Piper, my main PhD supervisor Associate Prof. Dr. Paul Pigram and Dr. Michael Gilbert]

[L-R : Dr. Robert Forrest, my PhD supervisors Dr. Suzanne Cutts and Emeritus Professor Dr. Don Phillips]

[Jimin, a Masters in Finance graduate]

Seeing all of you walk the stage to receive your scrolls really does embolden inspiration for me to work my hardest and most diligent. May this milestone of yours be the first of many many more to come, and may it also pave way for grander accomplishments in the future.

"We must not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be, to arrive at where we began - and to know the place for the first time."

-T.S. Elliot

-JeP

"The one with reliving another year..."

2011-10-12T09:33:00.000+08:00

Like every year on this date, you would be showered with friendly hugs and warm wishes - pampered among wonderful company and loving peers. Like every year on this date, you would be thankful of not only another year of your life - but another year well spent to the fullest of your capabilities; both as an inspiring individual, and a pious servant. Like every year of this date, you would always remind yourself that each passing of your birthday - is another reminder of how short and valuable life is.

Today, like every year on this date you would turn a year older. But instead, today - we rekindle our memories of how lucky and blessed we are to have had shared you in our lives.

But having said that, we all miss you still - so very much.

You may have had a brief life, my brother. But rest assured that it was a life well lived. After all - living isn't necessarily measured by how many breaths we take, but by the moments that takes our breath away. Our prayers often harbor ardor thoughts of you, may your soul rests amongst those promised Jannah. May God purge you off your sins, lift your honors and affirms you a place in His heaven insyaAllah. And may God also grant us the courage, perseverance and empathy to live in your memory - to be better muslims and grateful servants.

You once told me that the best of lessons are passed through the actions of others, that change starts from within us first, and in order to instill wisdom into others - we must beforehand, be wise ourselves. If there is one legacy you have left us - it is the legacy of all the wisdom you've imparted in your writings, and we could not thank you enough for that. As a writer, when publishing posts on your blog - you also told me that we are responsible for the information we relay onto others.

"Do not take your posts lightly, every sentence must come from adept research and verification. That is why I take so long to finish a post - we have an obligation to the readers and we should not convey them under false pretenses. "

That is why your writings afflicts your many readers very profoundly. Because you would write not only from your heart, but also from your mind.

Throughout your absence, my brother - we have had many people come up to us and say how much your writings soothes them, and even helped them cope with their lives in one way or another. Through them, you instigated humbleness, inspiration, bravery and graciousness in not only us but others as well. You have imbued a positive difference in the lives of many, even in lieu of your conditions.

So on this day my prayers go to you, my brother. May Allah forgive all your sins, rest you among His most noble of servants, and place you within the sanctity of His jannah. We all miss you, but will cherish the spirit of you from all the wonderful memories you've shared with us.

Allahummaghfirlahu warhamhu wa'aafihi wa'fu 'anhu.

Happy Birthday, my brother. In every opportunity my mind reminisces of you, I always smile and remember how you had always promised us before each of our partings;

"Ada kelapangan kita jumpa lagi, kalau tak di sini - insyaAllah di jannah nanti."

InsyaAllah indeed, ya akhi. Al-Fatihah.

-JeP

"The one about experiencing the loss of others.."

2011-10-09T11:00:00.001+08:00

Even before we are born; God has made us a promise;

"Every soul will experience the agony of death, and to Me you will all return."

[Al-Ankabut:57]

For those who often reflect, would know that we are here as a test. From Him we came, and to Him we shall return. Like taking care of something, we would often make it a point to return them in their very best of conditions, if not unchanged. The same goes in the nature of us returning to our origins; is it not preferable for us to return to our Creator, if not as we were born - a blank, innocent canvas; but also bettered, grateful and pious?

When we experience the death of those around us, although it appears morbid - is a constant reminder of God's promise to us. One day we shall make that journey, as have the others before us.

"Takziah ke atas pemergian arwah Dr. Kamal Ismail, yang telah pulang ke rahmatullah pada 5 Oktober 2011. Semoga rohnya sentiasa dicucuri rahmah, dan ditempatkan dikalangan para anbiya' yang dijanjikan syurga Allah swt. Semoga keluarga arwah juga, terutamanya Kak Nor - dikurniakan segala kesabaran, kekuatan dan ketabahan untuk menempuh dugaan ini. Al-Fatihah."

During the passing of those close to us - it is good to hold on to the memories we have of the deceased. This is how I would like to remember the late Dr. Kamal Ismail.

I would always remember him as the figure, even at his darkest hours - as someone whom never fails to make us all smile. May his soul now rests amongst those God promises jannah, and his family be bestowed the patience and fortitude to persevere during this very trying time, insyaAllah.

Allahyarham Dr. Kamal Ismail passed on away on the evening of 5 Oct 2011. He was 47, and now has been laid to rest back home in Bukit Naga, Seksyen 32 Shah Alam, Selangor, Malaysia.

"However, one who accepts Islam in submission to God and does good, will have his reward with God. Such people have nothing to fear nor to grieve about."

[Al-Baqarah:112]

-JeP

"The one with the colorful weekend..."

2011-09-26T13:30:00.000+08:00

Every year, during Spring the Tesselaar family open the gates of their tulip farm in Silvan to the public. For those wanting a glimpse of the colorful seasonal flowers in regional Victoria - this is the place to go. Though their family hails from Holland; but not many know that tulips actually originated from Turkey, during the reign of the Ottoman Empire. The flower was then brought into Europe by a German ambassador; before being mass-cultivated throughout the continent. The largest display of permanent tulips is in Keukenhof, Holland where tulips are hence now commonly associated with.

Origins aside, none can dispute nor resist the beauty and vibrancy of these flowers. Seeing that we've been having quite a warm Spring so far, I've decided to bring Fifah on a weekend excursion to experience these seasonal delicacies. Having been here two years ago in 2009, it's wonderful to see that the tulips never fail to impress. The weather was inviting, the tulips were blooming; it was a perfect day out in the sun - and how better to spend it than on a flower farm with my loved one.

The farm is a good few hundred acres - but only a fraction of the area is designated for the open public. However, there's plenty of space to enjoy the tulips!

We've also bumped into Kak Jumee's family - it's always good to see a few familiar Malaysian faces around..!

In 1939 during WWII, Cees and Johanna Tesselaar left Holland and found themselves on Australian soil after weeks of sailing. Initially keen for Sydney, the couple eventually opted for Melbourne after immigration officers told them that this was the only appropriate place for them to plant bulbs. After a few weeks of settling in, a local brought Cees to scout for patches of lands for sale - which was in Silvan. He fell in love with the area and vast expanse of the land, but because the location was too far away from transport and basic amenities he opted not to acquire it. They instead bought a 2-acre land in Ferntree Gully where they planted the first batches of tulips and daffodils.

After 5 years of cultivation the property became too small for them, and vast developments into the transport system meant the Tesselaars can now venture further away from the city for potential land to occupy. So when Cees was scouring for bigger land outside the city - he consequently came across the same Silvan property. Out of curiousity he inquired the owner as to whether the land was for sale, and luckily it was. He then bought the land immediately, ironically residing in the land he fell in love with when he first arrived.

In the subsequent few years, the couple noticed a growing number of people stopping and even jumping over their fences to admire their flowers - so in 1954 they opened their farm to the masses for a silver-coin entry fee donation to the Red Cross. This trend continued on for years and the rest - as they say - is history.

In homage to their ancestry - the Dutch Festival was running last weekend at the farm, and the atmosphere was filled with everything Nederlanders; from Poffertjes to traditional Dutch Dances.

In memory of Cees and Johanna, the tulip farm is now run by their eldest son Kees and his wife Sheila. We had lots of fun, and for those in the vicinity wanting to add some color to their Spring - take the time to visit their farm here.

-JeP

"The one with the potluck gathering..."

2011-09-21T10:44:00.000+08:00

I just looove a family gathering, especially one where everybody dresses up. Naturally, during my recent trip back home PakTam & MakTam gave us the liberty of organizing a potluck dinner at their house; in lieu of the Aidilfitri celebrations, and also benedictions for Atiqah and Nabilla's impending SPM exams in November.

As always, everyone had a wonderful time. It's great to catch up with relatives I haven't met in quite a while, updating ourselves with current rants and tales. I feel that such congregations, no matter how frequent or infrequent never fails to remind you of the love God shares with us; through our family and friends. It is at these times, you momentarily lapse into contentment. No problem is too worrisome and no anguish is too fearful.

I love family gatherings because they remind me that you should never take anyone for granted. In true adage to the saying - you don't miss your water till the well runs dry. Thank you to PakTam and MakTam for their graciousness of being hosts for this year's celebrations, as well as to everyone for sharing their scrumptious delicacies and treasured time with all of us.

Here's a glimpse of how the evening went;

Of course - Adam was the center stage of the evening. Cheeky boy indeed.

A lot of people dream for the perfect family; a mixture of great, wonderful individuals that mark a collection of people we can relate to; see ourselves in; and relive our past memories. What we all fail to see is, we probably already have them at our discourse - only we find ourselves chasing over vacant air.

On mama's side of the family - this is what I deem perfect. I would not change any part of it at all.

Probably perfection is just a matter of mindset. Probably perfection, is us making the best out of what we convene imperfect.

And probably perfection, after all - does not come by finding the perfect people; but by learning to see an imperfect person, perfectly.

-JeP

"The one with being grateful..."

2011-09-12T14:38:00.000+08:00

Perhaps a more amiss, much scarcer feat; if not patience - is the state of being grateful. For it is a greater virtue to be grateful and thankful. While patience can be trained in oneself but being grateful; it is born from a rare realization and nurtured only by an undoubted faith. When one can be grateful, while practicing patience - these are individuals who really understand its true significance (of being grateful).

Perhaps that is also why we are oblivious of the many blessings we have in life; we may be patient, but not grateful. Or maybe we acquaint ourselves of being grateful, but what we actually perceive is just another form of patience - happy with what we have, but in hardship we tend to seek other means of replacing them. Which also, in reminiscence, explains why we take a lot of things for granted.

There are people who live in big mansions, drive luxurious cars, surrounded by powerful associates and eat grand banquets daily; yet they constantly find themselves filling a growing void. In their mansions and grand companions, they still experience loneliness; even with all the physical possessions and sustenance they consume, still fail to satisfy their cravings.

But on the flipside - there are people who live in one-bedroom, self-made huts. They persevere under the providence of humble rations, tough living conditions, and the only luxury they can appreciate is time. Yet these people are the happiest; every bit of food satiates them, and they lay down to rest every night content with a life they find - adequate.

Lately I noticed that I've repeatedly paraphrased myself of being grateful. I am grateful for a loving wife and family, wonderful friends and colleagues, adequate physical possessions and not to mention personal achievements. But I have come to realize that being grateful doesn't just mean that we acknowledge our blessings in life; but we make provisions to protect them, develop on them, and sustain of them. And sometimes, being grateful doesn't just mean to be appeased with all the good things in life, but also the not-so-good things as well.

We are all grateful to be wealthy. But to still be content even when we are stripped off it and can only afford the basics in life; because we only spend within our means and thus not wasteful - isn't that also being grateful?

We are all grateful to be have a big collection of friends. But to still be content even if we only have a few; because we cherish their presence in our lives to appreciate them more - isn't that also being grateful?

We are all grateful to be healthy. But to still be content even when we aren't; because we are burdened sickness we can endure - isn't that also being grateful?

We are all grateful to have parents who take care of us as they should. But to still be content even if they are old, weary and senile; because we can now return them the favor for their nurturing - isn't that also be grateful?

I am learning to believe that being grateful is a state of mind; it depends very much on how we view things and how we view our positions in life. To be grateful is also to retain patience, but to be patient doesn't necessarily mean we have attain gratefulness. To be grateful means not only realizing we are well-off, but also that we have the responsibility to not take them for granted. But probably what being grateful means most - is to accept every providence in our lives as a blessing; whether they appear to be as they are - or those which appear to be one, in disguise.

May we all, irrespective of our state of being; at our best or our worst, at our richest of poorest, at our highest or our lowest - put our heads up high, still smile and be grateful.

-JeP

"The one month that proceeds Ramadhan..."

2011-09-05T12:48:00.001+08:00

This year the Eid celebrations convey a very new meaning to me; both as a son and husband. This year would also mark the first Eid without Afzal around, and though we still miss him very dearly - we are learning to accept the grace of God's grand plan; and for that cause I made it a point to be home for the festivities.

This year culminates my first Eid spent in Fifah's hometown of Kota Kinabalu, amongst her wonderful family whom I've learned to love as my own. Suffice to say, though its a different atmosphere - change is sometimes not entirely a bad thing. If I am grateful for anything this year - it'd be for the sanctity of how grateful I am to be blessed with an extended family as loving and accepting as Fifah's.

If pictures say a thousand words - I hope these does justice for how much love and endearment I've experienced this Eid. This, is how I've spent it - so far.

These wonderful two are Fifah's proud parents; my in-laws. Thank you for welcoming me into your family, and treating me equally as your own.

Fifah and her siblings - each with their own unique traits and character. Thank you for accommodating my irritating jokes and bearing with my annoying self. Had lots of fun with you guys.

The Ijap family - Eid 2011.

The Masarudin family - Eid 2011.

My rocks in which my foundations are humbled; my source of strength, advice and inspiration - my parents.

Which makes me wonder - how the others in Australia are celebrating theirs this year?

Eid Mubarak everyone. Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir Batin.

-JeP

"The one about the importance of intentions..."

2011-08-15T12:29:00.000+08:00

During this blessed month, I find that Muslims around the world busy themselves of the usual taraweehs and extra prayers - which is a wonderful feat; but at times it is best to utilize the plenitude of Ramadhan, by taking a moment to rediscover our own standings in life. A mid-term progress report of life, if you may.

Very recently a friend shared an excerpt from a popular blog; which narrated the tale of an immigrant beggar making his usual rounds at a local Malaysian street market. What's easily discerned as an article promoting forgiveness and empathy - quickly turned tides as the blogger made a discovery that the poor beggar was 'somewhat' more than able and appeared to have fooled those who made donations to him, by making quick and easy money. The writer then continued to narrate that the beggar also wasn't Muslim (as he made himself appeared to be). This very fact displeases me, as Malaysians are a generous lot - and our charitableness are often abused by various parties for their own selfish gain.

But this scenario was not what worried me the most; as I skimmed and deciphered towards the end of the article, I came to realize a startling verity - how easily God takes away an opportunity for merit, and convenes us instead, a decree of sin. When we give to charity - how many of us actually do so with the niat (intention) of charity? How many of us, give so gladly to someone or some charity - and then smite them with curses and ill-words upon knowing we have been conned into giving money to those unworthy of our donations?

And then there was this Muslim brother I often meet during the iftars (break-fasting) who said;

"Whatever money I have, it is not mine; it comes from Allah. Whatever worldly possessions I have, it comes from Allah. Whatever more I have, I share with anyone I can. Because no charity is a penny lost. Every charity is a penny which brings us closer to Allah swt."

I believe that when it comes to discern compassion from apathy, God always tries not those who have loved, but those with the capacity of loving. When He wishes to teach us the discipline of selflessness and clemency, He tries not those who are comfortable and able, but those who have the capability of being so. And when He wishes to impart the wisdom of humaneness and righteous thinking; He tries not those who are mindful, but those who are often surrounded by wealth - who instead are those capable of them.

I am grounded by the fact that God, is Great and Almighty. He knows what we don't, and He tests us trials we sometimes can never fathom in our lifetime. There is reason behind everything we do, everything that transpires, are inflicted with, received and lost - but often at times when these events occur against our gains, we fail to concur continued faith and trust in Him. We question why we are tested as such, why our prayers are left astray, why bad things happen to good people and why those who deserve punishment, still thrive.

A majority of us (including myself) seem to forget - the reward of the most grandeur proportions; the epitome of achievements and gains come not the easiest. The very best of human beings are not those who walk the carpets of luxury, but those who have been tested, trialed and persevered under the continuous gravels of worldly tribulations.

I used to be those who curse at the knowledge of being conned. But I know now that was an opportunity given to me to learn patience, humility and humbleness. The capacity to obtain selflessness, and to share kindness. I was a victim of ignorance and stupidity but the wonderful thing about God's love is - He always gives us the room to learn, to improve throughout our lives. He gives us, without fail, more and more provisions for His grace even in times when He is in the least of our thoughts.

Therefore it matters not then - when we offer money into the hands of a besieged beggar, whether he is poor or rich; Muslim or non-Muslim; Malaysian or an immigrant; genuine or a fraud. When we give - what matters most is whether we give under the conscience of good intentions, or not. Everything else after, is by God's will and beyond our grasp. I can only pray for the so-called 'fraud' beggar, that he is well and for God to one day lead him a straight path.

My mother reminds me to not judge people; for who are we to label them inferior than us?

Maybe, we can all benefit from the wisdom of Hz. Mawlana - when in his lifetime, shared this idealistic view of humanity;

"In generosity and helping others, be like the river.

In compassion and grace, be like the sun.

In concealing others' faults, be like the night.

In anger and fury, be like the dead.

In modesty and humility, be like the earth.

In tolerance, be like the sea.

And either exist as you are, or be as you look."

Ramadhan is known to Muslims all over to be a month where charity is celebrated as much as our ibadahs. Let it be that towards the end of this holy month - the next time we cross paths with a needy individual; we be blessed with the capability to share our wealth selflessly, even without the providence of knowing the truth, insyaAllah.

-JeP

"The one holiest month..."

2011-08-01T09:47:00.000+08:00

"The month of Ramadhan is the month in which the Quran was revealed; a guide for the people, the most authoritative of all guidance and a criteria to discern right from wrong. Anyone of you who knows that the month of Ramadhan has begun, he must start to fast. Those who are sick or on a journey have to fast the same number of days at another time. God does not impose any hardship upon you. He wants you to have comfort so that you may complete the fast, glorify God for His having given you guidance, and (with) that, perhaps, you would give Him thanks."

[Al-Baqarah:185]

Ramadhan kareem to all Muslims, and happy fasting. May the coming of this holiest of months grant us the perseverence to increase our piousness and inculcate our closeness to Allah swt. Ramadhan is a gesture of God, in His most graciousness - He wipes our slates clean and provides us a full month where each virtue's reward is multiplied, and His every servants' prayers being answered.

May this Ramadhan be the very best of our Ramadhans, and may our ibadahs grow by each of its passing days. May we also then, leave Ramadhan with tears in our hearts - and an elevated spiritual consciousness.

Happy Ramadhan al-mubarak everyone.

-JeP

"The one with being kids..."

2011-07-27T11:57:00.001+08:00

Believe it or not, I have been extra busy lately. Apart from juggling between the habitual lab experiments, writing, and everything P-h-D related; I also had the most peachy experience of entertaining three wonderful children - Adam, Adi and Irene, the three proud prodigies of Zai & Sheikh.

Being with Zai's family and his kids, gives me an inkling to how life was for my parents when we were growing up. The emotional rollercoasters they had to endure, with every form of fit and outburst three young childish boys could manifest. Being with Zai's family, I've witnessed how much a parent sacrifices to accommodate their kids; all the screaming, crying, bantering, ranting and rage - enough to throw even the most resilient individual maniacal.

But within all that tangible sacrifice; when they all huddle up together in front of the TV over dinner, I also bear witness the joy of a parent's forbearance - the sanctity of love.

In true testament to the usual adage; you will never experience the full-length of God's love, until you experience the love from your children. A child's love for their parents may not come in the forms of uttered words of poetry nor the semantics of sentences, but in their innocence of their most fundamental way of affection - hugs, kisses, and plain presence.

It also stands true that not one of man's sacrifices can compare to those of a parents. All the luxuries they gave up in trade for their children's comfort. All the sleepless nights they've lost to cater to their child's battle with the flu. All the outings with friends they've missed in lieu to watching all those cartoons with their tots. Parents do this effortlessly, without hesitation, and with such inherently selfless instincts.

That is why God decreed us continued allegiance to our parents; passage into His heaven (Syurga) lies as much in the blessings of our parents, as in the accumulation of our virtues. The saying goes as far as to say, that "..the passageway to Heaven, is within the sanctity of your mother's feet.." (Syurga itu di bawah telapak kaki ibu).

Adam, Adi & Irene come with different characteristics critical of their own selves; Adam's the more docile, adjustable eldest of his siblings; while Adi's the rebel, always active child. Irene is the princess of the family; being the youngest she both the cheekiest and exudes the most tantrums among them three.

These three, in their own way - remind me very much of Andi, Afzal and myself when we were little toddlers. The more time I spend with Adam, Adi and Irene - the more my mind would regress onto my own kinder years; back when my parents were raising three boys who were not exactly your ideal adage of passive-submissive, obediently compliant kids. Yet though I can now comprehend a fraction of the terrors we manifested for my parents - all I remember growing up was that I was raised with all the love and care one child can hope for.

Though we didn't have the pleasure of iPods, PSPs and Nintendo DSes - we never had a dull moment growing up. Though we never had the prudence of pizzas and steaks daily - mom always prepared us the most wholesome, warm and delicious food on the table; this without fail every day. And though we never donned all the Gucci's, Guess and Gap for kids - mom and dad always made sure we looked our best without feeling deficient amongst our peers.

Nowadays when I rekindle my old childhood pictures, I even notice my parents in the same clothing for years. As kids we never realize this because our empathy never extends beyond our own needs, but it is eminent that we always treasure theirs (empathy) when we are older.

When we are at the paramount of our lives; always remember that we would never ever be where we are today, without the valor of our parents' sacrifices. When they tire of age one day, may we all be able to be there for them - as they did for us when all we can do as we wet our diapers, is cry.

It's getting very quiet here in 16 Cash Street at the moment, now that these three are back in Malaysia. I'm surely going to miss all their antics and tantrums, loudness and laughter.

My mom says that the memories we would treasure most in our lives are often the juvenile moments during our adolescence. Whenever I look at these three, I would always remember how it once was when I was their age - when my version of the Musketeers were my brothers Andi & Afzal - and me.

There are times when I look at pictures like this, and I wished I could relive all these memories. But that's just God's nature of guiding us through this temporary life. It is throughout our existence, He teaches us - that life is not necessarily measured by how many breaths we take, but by the moments that takes our breath away.

I thank Him everyday in my prayers, for blessing me with the guidance of two most special parents.

-JeP

"The one with all the questions..."

2011-07-11T13:53:00.006+08:00

I recently had quite a conversation with my colleague; who emphasized that life should be lived in its moments, and not quantized by its passing seconds. Our discourse later regressed into what I perceive, an apt overview on how our minds filter preeminence of individuals in our lives according to our conceived values of them.

"Let me ask you a series of questions, Jeff. Can you help me name the 5 wealthiest people in the world?"

Bill Gates. Warren Buffet. Steve Jobs? I'm not sure of the rest though.

"No worries. How about the 10 most recent Nobel Prize winners?"

I'm afraid I'm too ignorant an academic to venture a guess on that one. Albert Einstein?

"Neither can I. How about listing 5 Pulitzer Prize winners?"

I can't even remember the authors of journal papers I've read, lest making fun of myself making up names for Pulitzer Prize winners!

"My sentiments as well. You see, Jeff - my point is that it is hard to find anybody who remembers the headliners of yesterday. These people here; they aren't second-rate achievers. They are prominent figures, the best in their field. But eventually, the fame and applause die. Awards, they tarnish. Achievements become a figment of one's memory and is forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners."

"Now answer me this; can you name 3 friends who have helped you through a tough time in your life?"

"How about 5 people you look up to, whom have taught you something worthwhile in your life?"

"Can you name 5 people whom you enjoy their company, and those who you enjoy talking to?"

I answered these subsequent questions with much ease; there was just a lot of people to mention. I understood the gist of his story.

I've come to realize that the individuals who make a difference in your life are NOT essentially the ones with the MOST credentials, the MOST money, the MOST coveted awards. They are, in hindsight - actually the individuals who CARE about you. Shamefully, we often place these treasures a sub-par attention to that which they really deserve. We spend all our lives looking for people to accommodate our yearn for love and inspiration - without knowing that we already have them to begin with.

In retrospect - people don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care.

We ask God everyday in our prayers to grant us strength and perseverance to prevail over dark times, but He in prerequisite knowledge; had already blessed us with them - in the form of those individuals who always have our best thoughts and intentions in their minds.

To these individuals in my life - this post is a tribute to you. May this world be populated more with people such as yourselves, so that we can all learn the wisdom of empathy and sympathy insyaAllah.

-JeP

"The one with my first role model II..."

2011-06-21T08:10:00.001+08:00

Growing up, you always had your mother whenever you yearned for love, affection and moral support; but at times when your stead strives for wisdom and advice - you go to none other but your father.

When I was pursuing my matriculation in Universiti Malaya almost a decade ago, I used to steal time away from campus and enjoy dinner with my father whenever he was in Kuala Lumpur for work. Back then my family lived in Kota Kinabalu and because geographically both cities were separated by sea, it was at a point in my life where I was officially living 'abroad' from them for the first time.

In hindsight; I remember one time when I was struggling to adapt with campus life - I took every opportunity to rant about them to my father whenever we met. My father's approach to life was somewhat unorthodox; he is a man of few words, and believes the best advice one can give are those that are imbued through actions.

But I remember one advice he gave me, that affected me most profoundly;

"You want something - you do it on your own accord and seek not any help. Everything you have should be those you've earned yourself, but also be thankful for those you were privileged of getting."

When I was young, I always thought that I was living my life though the eyes of my father; but little that I know - he was instead living his, through mine.

My every fears, sorrows and regrets became his; my anguishes afflicted him; my every heartaches and pains ordained a cut he also shared.

But despite going through every single detriment and harm - he is always there to cushion my fall, and by my every fall he is always there to pick me back up. Only a father does this unconditionally, and they do this to the very best of their abilities - they are our first grasp of how a hero is like; and will continue to be one throughout our lives.

That's why, with that - a father always sees every success, happiness and tranquility in my life as his as well; and all our accomplishments and accolades lights in lieu of their presence.

A parent dedicates his or her life for their childrens'. Being one is certainly no easy task; far from a breeze, but by default is one of life's most fulfilling occupations. All those sleeping hours lost, energy drained, money spent, personal dreams put to a hold - every single deprivation are deemed justified, by virtue of them witnessing their cherished children breathing and living their own lives.

And as fathers, they also acquire the responsibility to become role models for their young.

Last week I had a revelation while talking to a toddler, about his future;

Me : Nanti dh besar, along nak jadi apa? [What do you want to be when you grow up?]

A : Along nak jadi macam abah along lah. [I want to be like my father.]

Me : Jadi cikgu ke? [Being a teacher?]

A : Tak lah, along nak jadi mcm abah. Jaga keluarga. [No, I want to like my father. Taking care of his family.]

When I was child, my answer would've range from the typical doctor, lawyer and policeman to the more adventurous space-cowboy. But never would my answer was to be a dad.

This is for all fathers out there; losing their minds catering to their loved children. This is for my father; whom I'm dedicating my life making up for all the things he has sacrificed and done for me. Thank you for always putting us ahead of your own selves. To all of us who are fortunate enough to be among their fathers; celebrate every waking moment you share with them. Tell them how much we love them, and how significant they mean to our lives. Never take them for granted, for when the time comes for us to bid our final farewells - our fathers will always live forever in our hearts and remembered in our prayers.

Thank you for always being my hero, and here's hoping I'd be able to show my future children even a fraction of the wisdom and care you had given me - back when I was still that kid who always caused you those many headaches.

Happy fathers day, Papa.

-JeP

"The one with the two weddings..."

2011-06-15T10:15:00.008+08:00

It has been a while since I've recounted anecdotal posts this side of my annals; it may be a departure from my conventional posts but alas, a refreshing one at that. Tiptoeing past draggy monotonous scripture, let me share some thoughts off pictures taken from my last excursion home.

I enjoy weddings (with the exception of implying my personal interest for another one!) because in the proceedings of one, the air is simply filled with merriment and the almost pungent odor of happiness. The symbolism of a wedding conveys a personal significance to the newlyweds and their families, but at the same time is also very public that everyone can easily bask in the celebrations. Among the throngs converging the masses, it's hard to find a gloomy face among the crowds - but even harder to find one that is not at least smiling. It is at these coincidences you perceive man's absolute capacity for love and empathy.

Recently I took a trip to Kuala Terengganu, the birthplace of my wonderful wife in lieu of our friend Yam's wedding.

Both Fifah and I feel very affiliated with Yam's wedding, because she has been a very good friend and are among few of our mutual acquaintances who have been with us through the thick and thins of our relationship. So when she expressed her notion to get hitched, I made it a point to be on the guest list for when she becomes someone's wife.

Since her solemnization was in Kuala Terengganu, I opted for a flight in - it was the school holidays and thus by association, the wedding season as well so there was a potential 5-7 hour drive-through in traffic-congested roads to digress from.

What really was interesting to me, is how the weddings are conducted this side of the country. Kuala Terengganu, contrary to popular belief of everything wedded bliss - doesn't necessarily bow to the usual over-the-top ambiance we usually associate with such events. Nope, no big crowds and exhibitions of massive props. No humdrum of the kompang nor a local DJ in sight. It is here that I first experience a very mellow, quiet but quaint wedding. Although it doesn't protrude the exorbitance one would expect from such an affair, but in a way it condones somewhat a more personal touch to it. There is no sense of hurry and rush; you have more time to appreciate your surroundings, the people, the culture. There is a scent of calmness in the air, a serenity that you don't usually get in such a comprehensive affair.

So in that engagement - you have more time to feel that you are part of the process, the proceedings, you feel more engaged. Like you're one of the family. I kinda like that, for a change.

Like I said - a very small, close-knit but momentous wedding.

It seems that as you mature older in life, these sorta events are the only instances where you could catch up with old friends and the rantings in their lives. Had the opportunity to meet up with our close friends Azfar (whom had recently married his wife Hanum), the always bubbly Faeza, and Ismaq who has already been blessed with a wonderful daughter of her own.

It was also a very fulfilling trip for me as well, since I had the fortuity to share yet another part of Fifah's origins - this is her mother's hometown, so she has spent a considerable portion of her childhood here as well.

We spent the following day visiting the local sights, and she said no trip to Kuala Terengganu is worthwhile without a visit to Pasar Payang - the local market most known for its wide selection of Malaysia's traditional art of Batik.

Me and Azfar, my longtime mate whom has tolerated me for years now. Would've been great to have Fadil around as well, but you make do with what you get.

Throughout our stay there, we were most grateful to stay under the roofs of Fifah's grandmother - more warmly known as Che. I've always loved Che even before marrying Fifah; she reminds me so much of my late grandmother Wan Bentong so I've learned to regard her as my own kin. Before we left home for Kuala Lumpur, she concocted one of her signature dishes; ikan singgang (I think?) which simply means fish cooked in tumeric broth.

Fifah and I, with Che.

I have a deep appreciation and affinity to this picture, because I can see a lot of Fifah in Che. Two generations apart, but tightly-bonded in blood. Both equally beautiful in their own age.

Leaving Kuala Terengganu, though being my first visit - I departed with a heavy heart. You can't help but easily fall in love with the town; though blisteringly hot you just acquire an almost quiescence sense of belonging here.

The following day we made mark for yet another wedding my father's side of the family. This time its paying homage to the solemnization of my cousin Imran, with his childhood sweetheart Mardhiah.

Papa's always had this inherent affection for kids. He doesn't necessarily expresses them in words, but verbal flair has never been his forte; he instead is someone who believes that actions always speak better than words.

The women in my life - Aiysha, Tiqah, Fifah & Mom. At times I feel I need to constantly remind myself that both Aiysha and Tiqah are no longer my little darling sisters I grew up with; they have blossomed into confident, beautiful women now. Though at times they exhibit their own fondness for tantrums and hysterics, but they have also matured as independent individuals.

As for myself; though now married and pushing on latent age - would like to think am still the vexatious child I once was.

The custom of every Malaysian wedding - sampling the wholesome, but not always dietary recommended food. Always a welcomed pleasure (or risk), I'd say.

Fifah and I thought we'd kidnap Kak Long Fariza's son for a picture. Definitely can be used as a ruse to entertain those countless questions about when our very own is due! (None at the moment, but keep watching this space.)

It's a wonder where my mom gets her youthful look from - I love this shot with her and the fan.

It's hard to get pictures of my parents taken together in a frame, so this is one definitely for the keeps.

Another wonderful addition to the growing family of Pak Ndak and Mak Ndak.

A photo of myself with the father-of-the-groom.

There exists subtle reasons as to why God had made everyone in this world unique, indifferent to each other to the very cells that make up our bodies. Yet in spite of all these differences we are somewhat similar in many aspects in life. Despite all of our distinctiveness, we are wired to instead honor the congruities in our lives - we are taught to relish not what that makes us different, but to celebrate what unites us instead. That's the beauty of families and friends. A collection of different individuals associated with a common element; like peas in a pod. God created diversity so that we can learn to appreciate people for who they are, understand and cherish them not by the color of their skin nor the sparkle in their eyes - but by the moments we share together.

That's why I love communal gathering such as these. They never fail to remind me that I am constantly surrounded with love, that I am never alone in this temporary life. Because I believe that the richest of men aren't those who always look for things he does not posses - but those who always realizes the things he already has.

-JeP

"The one about them newlyweds..."

2011-06-10T14:21:00.000+08:00

"And among His signs is this; that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are signs for those who reflect."

[Ar-Rum:21]

Here's to welcoming two recent newlywed couples into the club; Yam as well as my cousin Imran to their respective partners Shah and Mardhiah.

Both Fifah and I have known Yam since our UMS years, and she has been a very dear friend ever since. Always kind of motivation and support, we're very happy that she has finally found her soulmate in Shah; a culmination long-awaited by us since they first met. A couple whom complements each other perfectly, I can not think of another pair who are more appropriately made for one another.

Imran has always appeared a strong figure to his family, and having shared common childhood with him together growing up, I am sure that Mardhiah is in very capable hands. Having previously met the couple earlier last year in Melbourne and witnessing how happy they've made each other, I am elated they are now finally husband and wife.

To you guys - a marriage may not be the easiest ship to sail, but it definitely makes the journey of life much more pristine, divine and worthwhile. May this new-found voyage entails yourselves greater empathy, compassion and appreciation towards one another; and with that ascend the love you both share. Our sincerest congratulations on your nuptials, and most humblest of prayers that this union converges nothing but happiness and prosperity to you all.

"It is He Who created you from a single person, and made his mate of like nature; in order that he might dwell with her (in love). When they are united, she bears a light burden and carries it about (unnoticed). When she grows heavy, they both pray to Allah their lord, (saying): ..if Thou givest us a goodly child, we vow we shall (ever) be grateful."

[Al-A'raf:189]

Of course, prepare for the endless queries and penchants asking about your oncoming children in the future!

Selamat Pengantin Baru. Semoga sentiasa berada di bawah lindungan and rahmahNya insyaAllah.

-JeP

"The one about learning to accept fate..."

2011-05-12T11:00:00.004+08:00

Each of us deals with loss in prudence of our own accord. No two people go through the same experience; moving on from the passing of anyone dear in their lives is an individual descend. It is therefore deemed improbable that one could offer solace to another when it comes to grieving; as we possess not the sentience of going through the endeavor ourselves.

However, we try our best to be there for the ones we love; we offer warm wishes, dear hugs and moral support. We provide whatever nudge necessary to accompany them on their journey to acceptance. My parents say that it is unfair to impose acceptance onto those in grief, because we all react very differently to a situation.

Wise men say that time heals any wound, but their scars remains just.

A few months ago my dearest Fifah shared with me a very inspiring article off Suhaibwebb.com on dealing with grief and worldly attachments. The article describes how we reason with certain aspects in life we sometimes can't fathom its prudence; but falls within the grand plan of God.

Indeed, we are all very humble creatures - unwise and flawed. That's why we always need to look up to Him for forgiveness and wisdom. To Him we came, and to him we shall return.

I'm sharing the link to the article said - so that we could all benefit from its discourse.

Why do people have to leave each other?

By Yasmin Mogahed.

SubhanAllah, this article has given me much insight as to our recent loss, and hopefully shall help any of you who are seeking such insights as well.

-JeP

"The one who loved us first, and our first love..."

2011-05-08T08:37:00.012+08:00

Maternal instincts are indeed a blessing God forebears exclusive for His female matrons. If you ask any mother on how they first raised their young, they would often concur, that even they were clueless at times. Life evolves; changes in environment and social decree throughout time alters a child's physical upbringing - but the nurture of a mother's instincts forever remains adequate; adept.

Truth is, a mother fears for everything and anything her child interacts with. Every endeavor she sets her offspring onto; every activity and acquaintance of theirs inflicts a certain notion of nervousness in them. Be it their first soccer match, their first swim meet, their first birthday. A mother always foresees the worst variables out of every thing. They do this every time, but they persevere to do this in spite of those possible scenarios. A mother's (s)care starts even before we are born, and transpires even until the day we get married and start our own family.

When a mother delivers her baby - there's always that fear of whether the newborn is born healthy or with complications. When a mother nurses - there's always that fear of her child rejecting her milk. When her baby takes their first step - she always fears whether their first fall would cause more hurt than hurry. When a mother first sends her children off to school - there's always that fear of them not fitting in or getting along with their peers. When a mother organizes her children's first birthday - there's always that fear of people not showing up for the celebration. When we first fall ill - our mothers are the most nervous of creatures, incomprehensible by anyone other. As if all these would worry her less, she still has to fend for her worries every time we go out with friends, every time we pay a visit to the dentist, every time we never call back home, and every time we decide that base jumping is a good idea for tension release. To top it off, she also worries on the menu of the next meal course daily to feed her family.

Mother's are always worried for their children, single or many. But they are built for that; they ascend the courage to withstand all these apprehension of anxiety, distress and despair not because they have to - but because they want to. Mothers sacrifice their all just so their children would feel that they fit in this world. The gravity of their unselfishness extend to mounts no one can comprehend. Even in our extended lifetime of piousness and forbearance, our deeds would always fall short of what they have done to us in theirs.

But even amongst all those strengths God has bestowed onto them, He also bears them with the kindest of souls; the humblest of cares and the warmest of hearts. That is why, though they appear unscathed by physical means - mother's are most susceptible to affairs of the heart. A mother's tears shed not of their fall, but of their feelings. That is why - we must always harbor any gratitude to them at each foreseeable moment in our lives.

I believe that mothers are God's extension of His mercy, and kindness. He shares them to sanctify His servants freedom from the solitude of loneliness and desolation. A woman may not be born a leader, but they are always born a mother.

This Mother's Day - may we all be reminded of how lucky we are to have one in our lives, and to have experienced their care during theirs. May this day also acquaint us to appreciate them not only on a day's commemoration, but towards the length of our remaining breaths. To my dearest mom - thank you. Thank you for all those sleepless nights you shared with Papa catering to my every whims. Thank you for all those meals you've prepared me, for I am never famished in your care. Thank you for all the times you've locked me up in the bathroom over my tantrums, for I now understand that important discipline, of humility. Thank you for all your worries and all your advice; for I can now stand on my own, having experience the life you've shown me.

But most of all - thank you for being in my life, and for showing your endless support in mine. I could have not gone through all the adversities, tests, trials and tribulations in my life without you to break any of my falls. I am sure I speak for all of your children, that though we sometimes don't shower you enough praise and admiration - we all love you very dearly and thank God continuously for sharing you in our lives.

In our prayers we constantly ask Allah for all that is best for you, and I believe that closely among Him - your son Afzal is, too.

From your loved son - Happy Mothers Day, mama.

- JeP

"The one who is celebrated..."

2011-04-24T08:00:00.004+08:00

To my dearest wife,

Happy birthday sayang. It may be difficult to fathom that another year has passed, and I am sure you have experienced it to the fullest of your capabilities. It seemed just like a week ago since we celebrated your last, back here in Melbourne.

If someone asked me years ago whether I'd be in nuptials with the love of my life; in prudence of the matter I would accede to the notion. That is after all, the holy grail of all relationships - to find someone you love the most, and spend the rest of your lives together. But as we grow older we learn to believe that marriages and relationships are a dynamic statute of life; it is ever changing and life is not without its challenges, nor is love a smooth sailing bed of roses.

Relationships blossom and sours, love comes and fades away. But in spite of all this, I am forever thankful that I sail this ship with you as my anchor.

My dearest wife,

We have spent the last nine years pouring our hearts and souls into knowing each other, and every year you give me yet an even greater reason to love you even more. We have had our fair share of ups and downs, faults and fights, rants and arguments. And we shall continue to share even more in time, I'm sure. But thank you for being ever so strong, ever so faithful throughout all these dark days. Thank you for all the sacrifices you have made, all the time you've lent, all the effort you've put onto others I hold dear in my life. Thank you for always being patient with me and for always putting yourself after another's, but in lieu of it all - for giving me the honor to lead you in this small family of two.

My dearest wife,

You have always been my best friend, my best mate, my best pal. But today holds a reminder not of how much impact you've made in my life, but also in the lives of others. Of how much everyone has loved you for who you are, the person you have become, and the people you have inspired. My greatest wish is for you to be the very best that you can be, in whatever endeavors your heart sets you to, and doing whatever that fulfills you. No matter what, you will always have my support. I promise that you'll always have a shoulder to cry on when you're sad; a hand to hold when you're nervous; a snuggly hug whenever you feel insecure. At moments you feel most overwhelmed, you can be rest assured that I would always be there for you - anytime, anywhere, on anything.

My dearest wife,

May Allah grant you the greatest of health and providence of a long, illustrious life. May He bless you with love, perseverance and hope. May He grant you brilliance and vast insights into your life, and may this coming of age make you a better, wiser, stronger person.

May this coming year also open to you wonderful opportunities and a decoration of accolades within your grasp. May this year bestow you inspiration, sageness, courage and motivation to achieve everything that you have dreamed.

Thank you for all that you were; you are; and for all that you will become sayang. I miss you so much, and I love you ever so more.

There isn't a day that passes by without you in my mind. Happy birthday my dearest, have a great one.

Your dearest husband,

-JeP

"The one with the food and the line.."

2011-04-05T12:10:00.007+08:00

It's amazing how easy one can be inspired by a simple gesture; a basic action.

I'd like to share an excerpt from an email sent by a friend; depicting the raw humility and humbleness of the Japanese society, in lieu of their current challenges. Its contents elaborate a letter sent from a Vietnamese immigrant working in Fukushima to a friend in Vietnam, which was translated for the benefit of our acquisition.

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Brother, there was a really moving incident. It involves a little Japanese boy who taught an adult like me a lesson on how to behave like a human being.

Last night, I was sent to a little grammar school to help a charity organization distribute food to the refugees. It was a long line that snaked this way and that and I saw a little boy around 9 years old. He was wearing a T-shirt and a pair of shorts.

It was getting very cold and the boy was at the very end of the line. I was worried that by the time his turn came there wouldn't be any food left. So I spoke to him. He said he was at school when the earthquake happened. His father worked nearby and was driving to the school. The boy was on the third floor balcony when he saw the tsunami sweep his father's car away.

I asked him about his mother. He said his house is right by the beach and that his mother and little sister probably didn't make it. He turned his head and wiped his tears when I asked about his relatives.

The boy was shivering so I took off my police jacket and put it on him. That's when my bag of food ration fell out. I picked it up and gave it to him. "When it comes to your turn, they might run out of food. So here's my portion. I already ate. Why don't you eat it?"

The boy took my food and bowed. I thought he would eat it right away, but he didn't. He took the bag of food, went up to where the line ended and put it where all the food was waiting to be distributed.

I was shocked. I asked him why he didn't eat it and instead added it to the food pile. He answered: "Because I see a lot more people hungrier than I am. If I put it there, then they will distribute the food equally."

When I heard that I turned away so that people wouldn't see me cry.

A society that can produce a 9-year-old who understands the concept of sacrifice for the greater good must be a great society, a great people.

Well, a few lines to send you and your family my warm wishes. The hours of my shift have begun again.

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Subhanallah. If only we could instill such maturity and common-sense into the minds of our kindred generation.

It's hard to fathom that as kids, we often look up to our elders in search of inspiration and courage. But as adults, we forget that sometimes such qualities lie not on wisdoms of the wrinkled hands - but in the innocence of a smiling child.

-JeP

"The one hundreth day..."

2011-03-28T07:21:00.004+08:00

It may have been just over 100-days since your passing my dear brother, but already your departure has had an impact to so many people and has touched so many lives. You've been an inspiration to us all; in our minds and hearts forever.

"We shall test you through fear, hunger, loss of life, property, and crops. (Muhammad), give glad news to the people who have patience."

[Al-Baqarah:155]

Al-Fatihah.

-JeP

"The one with finding inspiration in light of tragedy..."

2011-03-24T16:25:00.007+08:00

My heart goes to the people of Japan, in atonement to their recent exigence and most dire of moments.

I recalled an interview I saw during broadcast from the epicenter of the quake; an old man was asked to comment on the devastation that had ridden his small town into ruins.

"The (earth)quake was bad, really bad. We suffered many losses, property and lives. I guess what needs to be done is pick yourself up, and start rebuilding everything again."

How powerful the notion of the mind can be. Ideas and dreams are both synergistic wisdoms made immortal; no bullet ails them, and no disaster holds them aground. When an idea is imprinted, they become actions. Imprint them from childhood, it becomes a culture. A culture then determines identity, and upon this epiphany makes us strong.

We can learn a lot from the Japanese. They are the epitome of humility and persistence.

In predicaments such as these, it takes a lot for us to be reminded of how 'bilateral' we are. We human beings are capable of dire evil, but in resilience can also endear infinite compassion. Push comes to shove, during instances where empathy resides an option no more - we witness kindness in their rawest form. In these actions we find the courage, endurance, tenacity and pursuance to harbor through life's most enduring challenges.

When disasters such as this befalls us, our definitions alter; our conscience receives a reboot. It becomes simpler, fundamental. Suddenly heroes are no longer individuals confiding behind masks, but instead complete strangers mustering their strength pulling tsunami victims to safety. Heroes are no longer those bearing capes, but voluntary workers aiding the search for survivors underneath rocks and debris. We start viewing life unpretentiously; at it's most bare and basic - in lieu of our most inadequate existence. We treat every small thing as a blessing, we endure any hardship in acceptance for better days, we put our best into our efforts without matter for its consequence but for its reasons. We become better individuals, we appreciate people better, we show love unconditionally and we display kindness selflessly. When we are at our most modest, we are the most gracious.

"A good day helps us commit between bad days; but bad days also help us cherish and appreciate the coming of good days. Bad days reminds us of where those good days come from..."

It's surprising that a child muttered these words. Children inherently are abundant with such innocence and kindness that it's a shame they don't inspire their predecessors more often.

Therefore, I remind myself everyday to relive my innocence as a child - and be thankful for what I've become today. I remind myself that every day is a blessing, and every endeavor I have in my life is God's gift I should treasure. In making the best of what He has bestowed us, is our gift back to Him.

-JeP

"The one where the path determines the end.."

2011-02-14T13:20:00.014+08:00

As Egypt culminates the end of a dark age into the inauguration of a new era, the world bore witness an example, testimonial to how dynamic man's faith to leadership can be. Egyptians young and old, feeble and able - united, gathered and fought for freedom; on what transcended a benediction that came at a price.

But I am not here to indulge into the intricacies of the new Egypt, nor am I convinced their fates have been resolute. Providence does not adjust by thought but is adapted by actions. There is a lot of wisdom carried by their circumstance; and one that I personally feel for is the importance of trial over tribulation. Mubarak's recent fall from administration epitomizes the reality - that even most Gargantuan of tasks, was born within the smallest of convictions.

As uninspired, arbitrary beings we frequently underestimate how the small actions can pass onto such grand outcomes; this maybe a consequence of our self apathetic and nonchalant selves. By default we would usually think only about the outcome of something, thus disregarding all the efforts, grit and work put into achieving them. Therefore we often become motivated to perform endeavors which are only reigned 'realistic' and 'fits a purpose' of an action. In our subconscious selves we apply a certain 'indiscernible filter' towards our selfless decrees onto anything - if the action proposes an undesirable preemptive reaction - we don't condone an exertion of attention at all.

How often do you see someone put out a rising flame with only a bucketful of water? Or rebuild someone's house situated on a high-disaster zone area? Or even help a paralyzed patient to walk again? These are efforts usually deem as 'unrealistic' and would otherwise make no difference. In reality, this is what we usually deem 'like asking for ducks to bark and dogs to quack' - it simply doesn't make sense.

As a matter of fact, have we realized that the acts of heroes don't usually hog a media frenzy too often, but when they do their actions are so unique it commands great respect and inspiration no matter how small or big it is.

I feel a very personal affliction to this, because I am often guilty of such denials.

There are those who persevere doing something perceived by the masses as a waste of time, effort and money. These are people who would continue performing even the most minuscule of actions, because they believe their actions would harbor fruition one fine day - and these are those who should command a great deal of respect from society.

A few years ago a very wise man advised me that even the smallest actions contribute of something in Allah's grandest of schemes. Being both fallible and ignorant; I commented on how futile a gesture of a fraction of Muslims to boycott Jewish products was, to make a significant difference towards their economical dominance. My notion was passed at the height of Palestine's plea for action towards the Zionists. Simply put, my feeble mind was not about to appreciate sacrificing my allegiance for certain consumerist brands in aid of a cause I felt would not be 'realistic' to pursue. Adding salt to wound, I dispute that this man's choice of embargo as futile and would just promote global dominance to another conglomerate.

"Never underestimate the smallest things you can contribute. Sometimes what's ridicule to you, is something meaningful for others. At least in your own conscience, this is your contribution to the good fight. Have you heard the story of our prophet Ibrahim?"

"No, but do enlighten me," I said.

"When prophet Ibrahim was engulfed within the flames of which his people made onto him, there was a peculiar reaction from the surrounding wildlife. More peculiar, the actions of a particular bird, which traveled back and forth carrying water within its beak in attempt to put off the rising fire. It did this persistently, with haste and without grumble.

The other animals, puzzled by this trivial endeavor questioned the bird.

"Why are you taking the hassle of commencing such an insignificant act, whilst you know it wouldn't make a difference? This fire could consume the whole forest in a matter of seconds. Nothing you do would suffice to even ease it, let alone the little water you could muster within your beak.."

The bird answered, "Though I know my actions may not do much to him (Ibrahim a.s) but at least this is my effort to help, my best method of assisting the prophet of Allah. Although I fear the fire; what I fear the most is not being able to answer Him when asked of what I've done for His religion, for Islam. It is at the will of Allah then, that He asks not whether I've succeeded in putting off this fire - but whether I had done something to help."

It doesn't necessarily has to be something tangible in order for it to make a difference. What matters most is the effort behind it. I boycott certain things not because I don't know it probably wouldn't make a difference, but I boycott them because I know that's the least I can do. In Islam, it isn't the outcome that is most celebrated - but it is our actions and reasons (niat). God is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful, and it is He alone who knows what's best."

I had never felt so wrong and naive in my life than on that day, at that note, within that moment.

Sometimes when you think of it, great things great people achieve often came unknowingly - almost a serendipitous realization from a persistent effort. Most good things are discovered by accident; but it was the effort that made it tangible. I know this now.

That day I learned one of the greatest wisdom schooled by the greatest of men I've known. That day a great man told me to focus not entirely on the results, but cherish the paths leading to it. That is why I will always remember what this great man had told me, what he had inspired me to do for the rest of my life. That is why I hold this man very dearly in my life.

Because that great man was none other than my dear brother, Allahyarham Dr. Mas Afzal Masarudin.

May you be remembered, my brother, not only for the wonderful person you were - but for all the wisdom you've shared and imparted with us. I miss you, even more with each passing moment; but in retrospect hope that we'll be reunited one fine day in Jannah insyaAllah.

Al-fatihah.

-JeP

"The one with learning to let go..."

2011-01-26T11:29:00.005+08:00

"People, you will all return to God. The promise of God is true; He creates all things and (after their death) brings them to life again so that He may justly reward the righteously striving believers.."

[Yunus:4]

Now you can rest yourself peacefully my brother; away from ache and pain, agony and suffering. May your companions now be angels and prophets, merit and prayers. May Allah grant you a place my brother; worthy of saints and martyrs, among those He had promised Jannah.

"However, one who accepts Islam in submission to God and does good, will have his reward with God. Such people have nothing to fear nor to grieve about."

[Al-Baqarah:112]

Grief and acceptance implores time, but time in requisite - is a potent healer.

-JeP

"The one with making sacrifices..."

2010-11-24T07:00:00.000+08:00

It's hard to overlook the apprehension of sacrifices, when in the sanctity of Aidiladha.

As we reminisce tales of the prophet; an exhibition of his ardent faith and conviction to God - we acquire an innate understanding that life is not without its fair share of trials and tribulations. Within the convolution and intricacies of our problems and fears, decisions are made and judgments are often passed.

Defaulted by our humane characteristics, we sometimes are bound to decree bad decisions and impaired judgments but we always learn from our implications in life. Living is all about making decisions, after all; so says the various authors who would solemnly immortalize the phrase in ink.

My grandfather told me something this Aidilfitri, which to this day left a great deal of comprehension;

"Setiap orang ada pengorbanan dia yang tersendiri. Ini (menuntut ilmu di perantauan) pengorbanan awak, bukan pengorbanan orang lain. Jadi dugaan inilah yang akan paling bermakna buat awak, kerana hanya awak sahaja yang kenal erti pengorbanan ini."

[Everyone has their own sacrifices to make (in life). This (being overseas) is yours; not anothers'. Therefore only you would benefit the most from this experience, for only you understand the true meaning of this sacrifice (that you have chosen).]

Aki was trying to convey a message to me, that though the path may seem tough and bleak ahead, but the journey will be bearable because it is made for me. Others may fare different in convergence of a similar passage, but the experience would be identical to none; but unique of our own.

In life, there are times at which we are put into situations against our favor, and where the very appraisal and notion of options do not inherently exist. When this happens, a choice subtly becomes a sacrifice. When sacrifices are being made, their outcome would not always imbue to our liking, but we confer them not because it is a choice that we want - but it is a choice which is the most appropriate within reason.

When a husband takes the day off to cater to all the wishes of his sick wife - he is making a sacrifice.

When a wife races to prepare dinner on the table even after a long day at work, just so that her husband could have a decent meal - she is making a sacrifice.

When a brother decides to skip going out with his friends, just to keep his brother company at home - he is making a sacrifice.

When a mother makes the choice of quitting her job, in order to care for her four young children - she is making a sacrifice.

When a father decides to decline a promotion which entails him an upheaval in remuneration, so that he can remain close to his family - he is making a sacrifice.

Sacrifices come in small and large packages, in dire and arduous and burdensome ways. Sacrifices are often not beneficial for the individual, but instead for the betterment of another. We make sacrifices not entirely because it makes us happy, but because they make the most sense. For some, sacrifices are a daily agenda but so as long as they understand what their atonement entails, they ordain that true sense of rightfulness and satisfaction.

People who make sacrifices are those who often find treasures in thrashes and joys in tears; these individuals are essentially made unabridged.

That is why it is important to acknowledge and appreciate the sacrifices of others in our lives. These are the people whom, irrespective of their stature opposes no harm onto us; nobles worthy of recognition. My humble gratitude goes to all these unsung heroes in my life, who have sacrificed much in order for me to be where I am today. It is without your selfless facilitation and furtherance, that I could achieve all that I had - and will be.

May this passing Aidiladha inspire us to make reasoned sacrifices for others, and share the burden of those who deserve them. When we learn to make sacrifices for others than ourselves, we shall reap its rewards in heaps and bounds. All in due time, insyaAllah.

-JeP

"The one with a radical discourse Part II..."

2010-11-07T09:29:00.005+08:00

By now I've realized how popular the speech has adamantly become, with versions of it sprouting all over the internet. Here's the rest of the text for you guys.

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Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.
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Inspiring stuff, isn't it?

-JeP

"The one with a radical discourse..."

2010-11-03T08:30:00.008+08:00

This morning my dearest Fifah shared an eccentric and radical text adapted from a speech of a well renowned author. It exemplifies the sheer truth behind our expectations and realizations in life after varsity. Lately I shudder to observe an inconvenient stigma - that graduates come out of their education lines with false expectations of the world; this text explains why it is best to always take-on the 'real' world with a pinch of salt.

In preference, although I consider some elements of the speech irrelevant to the normal life scenario - but we could benefit a lot from the philosophies Mr. Tan tries to impart here in our own lives.

I've taken the liberty of re-posting his speech off Fifah's FB page into 2 parts; mainly because I feel it'd be best absorbed and enjoyed in phases.

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Written by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988), was the guest-of-honor at a recent NTU convocation ceremony.

This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008.

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energize you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

- End of Part I -

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I'll be posting the 2nd part to his speech in a few days time.

-JeP

"The one with the Pentatonic Scale of the human mind..."

2010-10-29T07:38:00.007+08:00

I am often curious towards the complexity, intricacies and elaborateness of the human mind. Both on conscious as well as sub-conscious levels - each human mind is an exclusive entity, from which our every social interactions with the world are shaped. Even scientific discourses affirm that identical twins could also acquire mindsets unique of their own; characteristic of God's authentication that we are all products of our own affirmation.

Which is why I found Bobby McFerrin's interpretation on the universal concept of the pentatonic scale in application to the human mind - simply awesome and beautiful. The power of anticipation and expectation, vividly portrayed in applied form.

For those who can't seem to place Bobby in recollection - he's a Grammy-awarded vocalist and orchestra conductor who gave us the iconic tune "Don't Worry Be Happy" in the 1980s. This video stands a complete apotheosis; that even though we all confer solitary minds, but we still share a sorta kindred, cognitive route of thinking.

In that sense, we may not be so different after all

-JeP

"The one with that contest they had me trying out..."

2010-10-23T08:13:00.009+08:00

In endorsement of Mrs. Wawa's tag I'm compelled to humbly dedicate a post towards one of her fellow blogger's contest - the Contest Mortar Board : The Beauty in Ugly. The contest requisites a most recent graduation photo and contrary to this blueprint I opted to upload two pictures instead!

My recent encounter with flowers and robes and everything convocation was last year during my MSc graduation ceremony in UPM. Although not as prominent as my BSc convocation, I was lucky that I had to share the honor in the presence of my family and friends who joined into the commemorations.

And also with my wife who at that time was still 'Ms.' Wifey.

I appreciate the proceedings of convocations and graduation ceremonies in precedence of one's educational progress; and believe that events such as these are worthy telltales in the epitome of one's many defining moments in life. We thrive on these profound junctures and often these occasions sculpt the course of where and what we do for the next decade or so.

That's why it is important for us to embrace within the festivity of these things. We often underestimate the degree of small things and overlook serendipity as something adequately numinous in our lives. But it is these small things; like picking the perfect dress and attire for the day, putting up the graduation robe for the first time, lining up upon entering the graduation hall and even going through the effort of putting on some cologne - plays an important part in one's vocation and aspirations.

So to all those whom are looking forward to theirs one day - it doesn't matter if you sweat in layers and layers of clothing on a humid day, running up and down like a mad person during the proceedings, or fighting off a nervous writ upon having no idea how to bring yourself on the stage. It also doesn't matter whether it rains or shine on the day that you finally become a graduate - do not let anyone rain on your parade and steal your thunder. Because this day is YOUR day, and to no one it matters most but yours truly.

Happy Graduation to all new graduates around - congratulations and many happy returns. Welcome to the REAL world.

-JeP

"The one with kundur's birthday..."

2010-10-12T07:24:00.018+08:00

Today is a special day. A very special day indeed.

We often discern inspiration and aspiration in the prudence of others; individuals whom we look up to upon mirroring our own lives. Between the lines of books and fables we acquire heroes and martyrs, champions by virtue of their indifference - people who live for a purpose, which they continually upheld throughout their lives. In short - the people who inspire us to be better beings through liberty of their noble actions.

But then there are also people who we heave the utmost respect for based on their courage against life's toughest adversities. Individuals whom, in dire situations exhibit such an innate and intangible level of moral fiber; those who always seek that light at the end of the tunnel, and that elusive rainbow after a storm. People who harbor good thoughts upon evil deeds, people who religiously believe that everything that happens, happens for a reason. People who never fail to remind us, that there is much to be thankful in life - even in standpoints that arise upon our own demise.

In the biography of my own life; off its delinquency and flamboyance, I stand the proudest being a brother to someone I conceive a hero in his own right. A brother who often reminds me, that life is not necessarily about how to survive the storm - but instead how to dance in the rain. A person who acquaints that you live your life, not from the past nor for the future, but you live your life IN the present and for within the presence of matters.

It's uncommon to find inspiration within the ranks of your own family - but this is a blessing I have been thankful to receive in my life. And today, he has a lot to be proud for.

He may not realize this, but throughout the last few years he has inspired many people, and through the pens of his words and actions he has touched the lives of those whom has always yearned for wisdom. In the precipice of my own remembrance - he has come a long way from that boy who used to be called 'kundur'.

From my memory, Afzal has always been the 'baby boy' of the family since time immemorial; always being picked on and tricked into doing things he doesn't necessarily want or needs or has the affection for by his older brothers and uncles. For years he lived under the shadows of his older brothers and sometimes left with the stigma of living up to their accomplishments; often disowned of his well-deserved efforts. But deep inside this altruistic individual, lied a commanding desire to be recognized for his own efforts.

It took him years of perseverance, and through exceptional feats of meritorious achievements he finally was recognized for his own accomplishments. It was not an easy road to tread, the most primrose of paths to choose, but then again you have not been known to take the most comfortable of options, have you? Just look at who you have become today, and how far you've come. The people you've met, the knowledge you acquired, the wisdom you've learnt. Today, you are our first very own M.D in the family and we are all very proud of you. Today, you have set the bar for those who proceed you - an epitome for our younger kins aspiring for great heights.

Today is your day chemoboy, and I believe today brings you a commemoration far greater in emotion than it ever had before. Today is your day chemoboy, and with that I bid you the best of days. Today you turn a year older my brother, and to that I say a very Happy Birthday, Dr. Mas Afzal Masarudin.

Today I promise you this my brother - that wherever you go or whatever it is that ails you, you will always have your family behind you lending all the support in the world. May your spirit always remain tethered when you feel the weakest, and your morale uplifted even within the greatest adversity of challenges.

You have and will continually be an inspirational hero to us all. Sorry I am not there to celebrate your birthday with you in person, but my prayers always gather with you every time. My greatest wish is for you to one day become healthy again, as you were before - and with that, always remain the strong man and devout Muslim that you are today. We may be in challenging days, but both you and I know that our efforts will bear fruition one fine day.

Selamat Ulangtahun Kelahiran Afzal, semoga dipanjangkan umur serta sentiasa dimurahkan rezeki.

- JeP

P.S : Then again, looking back - who would've known that the people we have become today - were just three little rascals that once rocked the worlds of Nor Inchun and Masarudin two decades ago?

We have come a long way brothers. At least two of us are grown ups (and I remain forever a child at heart!).

"The one with our reason for living..."

2010-09-30T10:36:00.004+08:00

In life, we are avid followers of change. Humans interactions are, after all dynamic. Experiences teaches us that though it may not be possible to change the tides - we can always learn how to swim.

But when you have lost faith in life, what then keeps you living?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A son says to his father: 'Dad, would you be willing to run a marathon with me? The father, despite his age and a heart disease, says 'YES'. And they ran that marathon, together.

The son asks: 'Dad, can you run another marathon with me?' Again father says 'YES'.
They ran another marathon, together.

But one day the son asks his father once again: Dad would you please do the Iron Man with me?' Now just in case you wouldn't know, 'The Iron Man' is the toughest triathlon in existence; 2.4 mile swim, then 112 mile by bike, and finally another marathon 26.2 mile running, in one stroke. Again the father says 'YES'.

How did they fare? This video sums it all. Try figuring out who's the father and who's the son.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In case you're still looking for that inspiring purpose in life - this is the story of Dick & Rick Hoyt. They both share the best inspiration for living.

-JeP

"The one about the family full circle.."

2010-09-19T12:27:00.006+08:00

They say, you don't miss your water till the well runs dry. I hope this well doesn't cease to dry up anytime in the near (or much longer) future.

This Syawal, I have a lot to be thankful for. The wait may have been arduous, but it's coming duly cherished. For the first time in many years (six, in particular!) - our family has come full circle.

Salam Aidilfitri from all of us. Mohon maaf zahir batin bagi segala salah silap, terkasar bahasa terlanjur kata. Semoga kedatangan lebaran ini membuka pintu hati munajat syukur pada segala pemberian Allah.

-JeP

P.S : More updates soon-ish...insyaAllah while I remain basked in the festive moods.

"The one with Ramadhan's many blessings..."

2010-09-02T08:55:00.009+08:00

Wisdom apprises us that time indeed flies, when one is laborious. Alhamdulillah, Muslims are within the last 10-days or Ramadhan; a period which should epitomize our spiritual worships and dedication to Allah swt.

In a world tainted with an increasing fear and ignorance of Islam, Ramadhan offers us with the opportunity to infer the intricacies of God's grand plan for all of us. Push comes to shove, it is within this month that He imparts a coincidental wisdom; that those who believe (in Allah) will indefinitely be tested (at least) once in their lifetime. This year I am thankful to God for all the blessings and benedictions he's given me, though in their intricacies unconventional. This year I learned that the competence of faith, the spirit in giving and sharing, the aptitude of selfless sacrifice bears fruition in the uncanniest of ways. These distinctions are those that rewards not in the face of physical gratification, but accolades of something much more - spiritual and emotional contentment.

There's a somewhat greater sense of fulfillment of achieving contentment in our lives. I recalled a few years back; asking a teacher in his golden years, of what aspired him a carrier that does not hold financial gratification nor grandeur proportions. He smiled and replied,

"...the greatest gift you get out of teaching is the ability to impart knowledge into others, and enlighten them into bettered individuals. It matters not what they turn out to be, but it matters most how they came to be. By giving you get more back, although in ways we don't necessarily look for - but ironically that's the thing that keeps us going the most. You will find later on in your academic carrier, that it is not money which keeps you a teacher. It's those simple words you get at every convocation years from your students, saying;

Thank you very much for all you've done for us during the past years. We would not have been where we are without your help and guidance..

..which keeps you going."

This Ramadhan, God has blessed me with the patience to accept people for who they are. To accept things as what it's been. To offer prayers in spite of disgust; to seek repentance in the face of remorse; to seek solace that everything that happens, happens for a reason - though in ways we don't or won't understand. These are values that I've learned this Ramadhan, and with that I feel more contented with myself and what I have. Sometimes it is easy for us to be wanting to live other people's lives, than to appreciate ours which is the best for us; for this is the life God has endowed us with - and only He knows what's best for His beings.

That is why I am thankful that God has made it easy for me to give, to share, and to help others without the thought of reciprocation this Ramadhan. With that I confer the opportunity to become a more pious servant Muslim, and a better person. I'd like to share with you Maher Zain's montage I watched earlier this month, which contents moved me to tears.

My late grandmother used to tell me; that when you feel poorest, give the most. When you feel the richest, give even more. When you are at your happiest, pray and be thankful to Allah. When you are at your angriest, you pray even more.

-JeP

P.S : That being said, I can't wait to be home this Aidilfitri amongst my dearest wife and family!

"The one about the surgery..."

2010-08-21T12:11:00.007+08:00

Updates on Kak Evana : From my visit at The Alfred last afternoon - she appears to be in a stable and safe condition, being able to open her eyes and respond (although quite slowly) to us mentioning her name and a bout of simple conversations. For those inclined to pay her a visit, she currently resides in the main ward's 2nd floor; Bed 35 of The Alfred Hospital. Because of the nature of her ward, only two visitors are allowed at once to her bed but she can receive continuous visits throughout the day.

Kak Evana went into the operating theater on the wee hours of last morning at 7.30am and the endeavor lasted a proceeding 5-6 hours later. Her surgeons believe she is currently making ample and great progress, treading full recovery. The surgery went well and Alhamdulillah they were able to successfully remove all of the deviant tumor on her brain. Thank you to Kak Noor, Husna, Sha, Shariman and all others whom had graciously devoted their time and help since earlier this week.

Kak Evana's parents are currently in Malaysia Hall, having already met her this morning and debriefed upon her latest condition. They shall be staying over there for the next few days or until Kak Evana is fit to be dismissed from the hospital later throughout the week or so. My last conversation with Sha revealed a much capable and vigorous Kak Evana - she appears to have already re-developed a penchant for her palate and had the desire for fried mee! Thanks Sha for the update.

Our prayers follow her unceasingly, trailing upon her steadfast recovery insyaAllah.

-JeP

"The one with our dear Kak Eva..."

2010-08-19T20:11:00.003+08:00

My prayers go to our dear Kak Evana, who shall undergo a major operation to remove a 4-cm benign meningioma tomorrow morning at The Alfred.

Upon last discourse with one of her surgeons this evening, they remain optimist the 3-hour brain surgery will be smooth sailing and insyaAllah free from ailing complications. In lieu of her impending endeavor, I wish her next few hours would pass by swiftly and her recovery competent.

I'll keep you updated on her condition as soon as my next visit tomorrow.

-JeP

"The one about the Holy Month that has come..."

2010-08-11T08:50:00.014+08:00

Every year Muslims look forward to one particular month in which they swap books of their trade, in lieu for books of their religion. Yes, Ramadhan has arrived once again; providing a solemn opportunity for us to disband ignorant acts of sin and emancipate our clasp from all that is sinful.

[ Picture courtesy of Hamed Saber@Flickr ]

For most of us, Ramadhan brings forth the circumstance to cleanse our minds, body and spirit and contemplate upon acts that brings us closer to God. It is infallible truth that we discover more about ourselves, the more we discover about our Creator. In the coming month mosques and religious ceremonies would be brimming with inspired advocates, enthusiastic attendees aroused upon the notion of the holy month - but in its entirety, how many of us would truly profit the sanctification which Ramadhan offers?

Ramadhan is a conciliation of deeds and an alleviation of goodness. Its coming reminisces us of how much we can achieve towards the affirmation of Jannah, and its passing gives us an inkling of a life bent resolutely towards seeking God's grace in both here and the Hereafter. If Ramadhan harbors any connotation we could conceive at all; I personally feel that it is a testament of God's deepest love of humanity - for He gave us a month in which all sins are forgiven, and all deeds augmented. It is a month in which He gives us the Lailatul-Qadr; a night of decree, a night of predestination, a night where merits are so bountiful everyone yearns for it. It is a month where He rewards us for the smallest of gestures, and inspire us for greater causes. It is a month where sinners become righteous, and the righteous become pious apostles.

For one that has realized a lifetime of sin and only a handful of righteous deeds, I am thankful to God for the opportunity to experience Ramadhan again. Thankful for the contingency of cleansing myself off tainted acts and the fortune of gaining God's grace. InsyaAllah, this Ramadhan opens forth new chapters and instill new foundations; my prayers are for everyone to benefit tremendously of its coming.

Di kesempatan ini, saya ingin mengucapkan Ramadhan al-Mubarak pada semua, dan selamat berpuasa. Semoga kedatangan Ramadhan membawa seribu pengertian serta keinsafan pada kita, dan menjadi perangsang untuk menjadi sebaik-baik hambaNya. Mohon maaf atas segala salah silap, terkasar tutur kata sepanjang kalimah penulisan blog ini.

In the spirit of it all - Salam Ramadhan al-Mubarak everyone.

-JeP

P.S : This year there appears to be misconceptions of when the 1st of Ramadhan is. The ICV (Islamic Council of Victoria) announces it to be this Thursday, but there are some other religious entities whom perceives today (Wednesday) as being the first day of fasting. Luckily an enlightened few, after consoling various Ustaz's concluded that we follow the local Islamic govern. Jadi puasa start esok je la!

"The one with having a sense of belonging..."

2010-08-04T08:42:00.009+08:00

The kind folks at LIMS had recently held a photo session of the group; comprising of faculty members from a diverse host of 7 departments. A mere fraction of the full population, these are among the people I see everyday in university, when doing research.

It really gives you a sense of how closely-knitted research is, as the lines that separate the many different sciences become decimated by virtue of inter-disciplinary fields. Like everything else in life; the best way to work is with others, and the best way to achieve the greatest in life is by sharing.

Can you spot where I am?

Hint : Squint.

-JeP

"The one where knowledge turns into wealth..."

2010-07-21T09:20:00.008+08:00

There was a recent article I read that 'spun' my interests of why it pays to always think out of the box, and to never scurry away from a seemingly insurmountable challenge;

Those accustomed to the field of biotechnology would be able to vouch that a centrifuge is one of many laboratory instruments used for separation of (bio)materials based on their molecular weight and size by rotation on a fixed axis. To be able to innovate such engineering into household-scale proportions is both a remarkable and outstanding achievement; especially when the effort benefits a good cause.

By virtue of real-life, real people stories such as these, governs us to our self affliction and recollection on the way we perceive and apply acquired knowledge. It is the divine hope of an academician to see practical application of taught wisdom in everyday life, the Holy Grail of a system that hails coherent thinking and the advancement of knowledge. It's a shame that this is not the current situation amassing from the gates of local universities back home; a serious issue that probably commands a revolution of how we educate our young generation. They are, as a matter of fact, on the precipice of a cliche - our future.

A sensible nous of the matter in contention brings into a debacle - are graduates in a working Malaysia today, a product of their own quintessence; or a consequence of an ailing education system?

Simple question, but rather requiring an intricate answer. For future educators such as myself, I deem the repercussions of teaching as both dire and rewarding. I solemnly hope that when it is my time to impart, it would be wisdom and not falsehood. It is easy to teach out of a textbook, but hardest to stimulate a vision.

For those interested on the story on Lila Kerr and Lauren Theis's creation, you can find it here.

-JeP

"The one who now is a double PhD degree holder...."

2010-06-27T16:23:00.010+08:00

Congratulations to Prof. Datin Paduka Khatijah Yusoff, who was at last weekday's end conferred the honorary Doctor of Science (honoris causa) from La Trobe University. Good job Prof.!

She was happy enough to spare some time to visit us along with her family in the university amidst her very hectic schedules, to personally accept the award in the Agora Cinema. Having personally worked under her supervision during my Masters degree, she has been a prominent figure in her field and this award cements her authority further more amongst distinguished internationals of virologists.

Congratulations once again Prof. for the well deserved award, and here's to many many more to come. Thank you very much for taking the time to meet all of us here in the uni, while in the same time instilling us with the motivation of striving towards our own congregation soon enough insyaAllah.

Looking forward to your next visit this side of Australia, Prof.

-JeP

"The one with growing up at the speed of light..."

2010-06-20T01:00:00.001+08:00

The Herald Sun - in one of its columns yesterday depicts the lives of youths trying to live within the confines of their parents' big shoes and missed dreams. Picking through the phrases and sentences across the article; narrates the efforts of new-age teenagers, thriving on conquests which decades ago are deemed almost taboo for their meek and docile age. Imprinted, were names of teens such as young Jessica Watson, Jordan Romero and Abby Sunderland on the mass media, treading bold conquests for a slice of a disambiguate immortality. Although the masses easily perceived these as brave, courageous and inspiring acts, I find that it would be almost distressing not to see their Herculean efforts as almost an act for self-atonement for precedent aspirations. Are these the effects of parents trying to (re)live their lifelong dreams through their childrens' lives? Yes, these are excellent examples of instilling a thriving sense of self-accomplishment in aspiring childs I admit - but what happens when we motivate our children too much for their own good, and (I feel) in return erode them of the simple joys and experience a normal teenager would have in their lives?

I say this, because when I was their age I was barely coping with hormonal changes concocting in my gut; adapting to my developing sense of attraction for the other gender, had just initiated my interest in the sport of bowling and developed a sense of selfless loitering amongst my peers from school. You know, normal (stupid) stuff teenagers would do.

Or I'm just expressing a sense of potent jealousy of their accomplishments, maybe.

I admit, it's hard being a kid in today's society. Having the need to upheld the requirement of latest trends and public expectations while in the same time cope with peer-pressure, albeit the joys of kinder discoveries and marvels of tender achievements that is growing up. I am genuinely inclined to believe that toddlers nowadays are cursed with having a worryingly short span of this growing up period, but instead have more grown-up time due to the increased haste in being young adults. Various definitions sprout out like mushrooms after downpours; from 'tweens' to 'kidults' - bridging the already vague fine line between age gap transitions. Talk about giving new meaning to the term 'baby-boomers'.

As far as my memories would serve - I was born a baby, was a teen and now an adult. Now the cascade's a totally different ascending semantic, what with these new terms being thrown into place. I'm confused, and I'm sure these kids are too.

Then again, with a hurry to fit into their own shoes - NST reports a somewhat more hypocritical trend found prominently in Asian countries. A trend arising in a generation, many are labeling the 'Boomerang Generation'. More and more young adults paving their own lives opting not to pack their bags out of their parent's house, but instead into them.

Everyone are quick to justify their reasons of doing so, and to each their own. Although I live thousands of miles apart for the time being, I would find it extremely difficult to leave the warm clutches of these people;

Even though Atiqah and Papa roam the confines of Taman Orkid, KK most the year round for work and school, but in the occasional times of festivities, holidays and breaks - our family would now be complete. And when it's complete, it would be the most wonderful feeling of warmth one could muster. Now with the addition of Fifah whom everyone has taken into the kinship so very warmly; gives me more reasons enough to keep everyone close for the time being.

I guess the need for social fulfillment such as these, nurtures from such closely-knit childhoods. There's just so much wonderful history in our family memoir dating to our first falls to our latest achievements in our lives today - each and every one of them shared amongst us all, through the eyes and visions of our very own Mama and Papa. For what its worth, thick through thin - I am proud to have been blessed with the childhood I had; even if at times I wanted to grow up very fast.

At most, I do hope that my (future) young-lings one day can experience what I had growing up and would not grow up as quickly. I've also learned this from virtue of my parents;

It's when you see you children as adults, that you realized how fond those memories were seeing them growing up.

Athough I'd reckon Atiqah is a product of this new 'tween' and 'kidult' generation - thanks mom and dad, for now letting us five grow up so fast when we were your young boys and girl(s).

-JeP

P.S : Happy Father's Day to someone I very much look up to in influencing many aspects in my life and upbringing - the goatfather. My very own beloved father Masarudin Mohd Yusof; now a self-proclaimed "petani zaman moden".

[Dad with his three (fully) grown-up sons, 2010.]

Thank you for keeping us on a constant short-leash in our adolescence, but in the same time giving us the space to pursue our own lives. On the day the world celebrates these heroic figures in their lives, all of us are proud to deem you the same in ours. Thank you for always entertaining our small requests and for all your support. Happy Papa's Day, dad.

"The one about the boat that rocked the world..."

2010-06-03T11:00:00.000+08:00

It is utterly a loathing experience reading excerpts from survivors of the recent Freedom Flotilla boat, that endured a barrage of relentless and repugnant attacks from the Israeli navy. As I read through the articles with disgust over mankind's latest defamation of morality and sympathetic compassion, I realized of how lucky we are to not be in such shoes. Even to experience such a tragedy through the words of others, brings an accord of bloodcurdling and unnerving revulsion. At the back of my feeble mind, I wondered if I could have persisted through such an endeavor.

Yes, the barbarous nature of Israelis more especially in the last few years have long been noted on the books of global knowledge, especially the Palestinians. At best, our most atrocious apprehension on their suffering, would convey the least likeness of their vulgar world. Sons and daughters crying over the demise of their parents as they experience first hand the bleakness of even a hope of their future. People losing their most basic sense of security and sovereignty of a country; the crushing of not only their lives but an eternity of culture, society and nationality. This tragedy, is at it's core - an immortal example toward the fall of humanity.

But how can the world benefit from their suffering?

On the premise of me as an imperfect, bordering delinquent far from being a pious servant - I can relate immensely to the fact that we very often forget how fortuitous we all are. That in respite of the dismal calamities we deem discouragingly inauspicious, and bad things that happen in our lives, we still have very much to be grateful for. We tend to overlook these fortunes and blessings we have during our good days, and ironically neglect them even further on the face of adversity. To add insult to injury, at that standpoint we also find an excuse to rant of how undeserving we are of our ill-fated condition God had forsaken us to. Have we been sequestering our conscience to concentrate on negative aspects of our lives, instead of fostering our visions on the positives?

To compare calamities of our lives with those who're fighting for theirs, and with those who have perished (may they rest in peace) in Palestine - would be to compare the lives of Kings and slaves. That comparison then again, would be an udder understatement by itself. Would we risk losing all we have today in order for us to appreciate them? Would we need to stare death in the brink of war, before we could be grateful for the safety to walk on our very own land? Truly we don't miss our water until the well runs dry, but lest we forget - we have a lot to be thankful for than we have to be heedless about.

In my prayers, I'll be praying that the suffering of Palestinians on the hands of Israelis would one day cease to be just a passing nightmare for them - but in the same time I'm passing my gratitude to God Almighty for all the blessings He has bestowed in my life.

To be reminded of our humility is to be reminded that we are only human. Prayers for Palestine, and condemnation for the Zionists.

-JeP

"The one with my bestest friend..."

2010-04-23T20:56:00.018+08:00

To my most dear and loved wife, Happy Birthday sayang.

Who would've thought that a circa 7-years ago, we built the foundations of what we now have become from the seeds of an honest, selfless friendship. Back then, our actions and feelings towards the other was mutually and independently reciprocal but little that we know - back then all the small gestures and kindness we shared actually harbored mightier and grander connotations. For the next few years that came, our affections for each other blossomed into something so sublimely beautiful. We shared countless laughs and tears; hand in hand we journeyed through our ups and downs, and lest we forget - the journey along the way was paved by a myriad of love, affection, passion and a new founded respect for one another.

Alhamdulillah, through these years we have both grown so much. We've learned that trust is an essential feat in every relationship, be it marital or not. We've ascertained that perseverance can only thrive on the support from one another, and in our darkest struggles we acquire each other's respect through learning to accept ourselves for who we are. In all congruency, you have been testament to a reminder, that you don't have to be exact photocopies of each other to survive in a partnership. It's okay to have different views on even substantial things and still remain vividly in love for each other.

Most importantly, in all honesty my dearest - you have shown me how powerful faith and patience can be. In the years of our courtship, in times where time, vast oceans and land separate us, your dedication remained tethered. With every argument and fight that came with distance, your commitment and allegiance did not wither but substantially grew stronger. You may ascertain me a role model in your life, but you are a martyr of everything I hold dear in mine.

This year, you turn a year older. Older in the sense that you are a notch wiser than the last, older in connotation that you are bettered than you were the last. Characteristically you may also age a year older, but in my mind you will always be the woman I've locked sight with outside the UMS hall 7-years ago. You will always be that striking entity, a figure of unprecedented beauty; a marvel of angelic radiance. In my eyes you are perfect, in my mind ageless, and in my heart you are always it's queen.

This year you turn a year older, my love. But with that single increment, you are twice a warmer daughter, thrice a loving sister, and leaps beyond the woman you were. I am proud to still remain your best friend, but even words would fail to comprehend how much happier I am to have you as my wife.

To my dearest wife, soulmate and best friend Nur Afifah Ijap, Happy Birthday. Your hubby wishes you many happy returns, may all your wishes come true and all that is good leads your way. I love you so very much, and would continue to shower you equal amounts of hugs and kisses for the entirety of our lives.

-JeP

P.S : Thank you to everyone, near and far for all the warm wishes and kind gestures for her on her birthday. I appreciate it a lot.

"The one when kids say the darndest things..."

2010-04-12T09:10:00.018+08:00

I love kids. They remind me of how humble I use to be, and a reminder of how lucky I was as a child.

Kids sometimes are solemn reminders of how innocent the human mind is. It is probably hard to comprehend that the advent of our intelligence once rooted from our childish nous; a collection of preconceived thoughts, dictated and expressed throughout our upbringing in the world. Personal reasoning and self-affirmation thereon permit gaps between the wisdom and intelligence of others as we age, a border we built from our indoctrination by social interaction.

But, is it too hard to understand that by default, each of us were born with the same level of intellect and emotional affirmations?

When kids are asked to write a simple letter to God, you'd think that they'd be writing about serious topics like the weather and global peace? Think again.

It is really heartwarming to fathom the inner workings of a child's mind. These are such pristine and selfless thoughts - reminding us that they are our future, and that we hold sole responsibility of guiding them towards the right path.

Credits to MakTam for sharing these lovely writings, and also to the original author from which these letters came. Made my morning, and definitely taught me something.

-JeP

"The one with the newbie..."

2010-04-07T09:38:00.006+08:00

It's been almost a month since my last update. The hiatus does come justified, believe me. It's been busy. And as the air fills with breaths of a new soul, I am rest assured that she has reached equilibrium. The change came somewhat rushed, hurried and brief but she's been seeing it through and taking everything in a relentless opposite.

It's been a year for me, but only a mere month for Melbourne's latest crush. We've been busy; both our schedule's been assiduous, our checklists' industrious. She's seen places, to monuments and landmarks she'd previously lived through my eyes and blatant, exaggerated perceptions. Finally she can see everything in her own awareness, conceiving thoughts in the faculty of her own senses. Finally, she's able to say she's been overseas.

But more importantly - Finally, she's here with me.

-JeP

"The one where we all lie...."

2010-03-10T07:33:00.007+08:00

As humans, we are often liars.

Albeit the harsh and morbid statement, I believe we all are guilty of lies; some even prefer to disguise this verity by a label - we more commonly know this as 'telling a white lie', thus enunciating our innocence and masking our guilt. In our deepest, darkest and unobstructed confessions we all are, by default perverts of deceit and defamation. At most compelling and trying times, we find that falsehood is an easy predicament to live by; and relaying the truth is sometimes most difficult. Lies are more plausible, more appealing for reason than reality; since the liar has the uncanny advantage of knowing what the audience wishes or expects to hear beforehand. In that sense, yes - we do lie. For others, probably too much that it overthrows their own advantage.

But consider this - what if a lie instead condones hope, alleviates comfort, or permits acceptance?

Could lies be (in a manner of speaking) androgynous; forthright hypocritical by its definition? In all political correctness, in some cases and extremes, if lies are told correctly - would it then serve a similar realization as the truth?

What do you say to these individuals, going through these certain situations;

1. An only child, going through the divorce of her parents while contemplating his/her reluctant custody.

2. A dear person, in the hospital dying from an incurable disease.

3. A mother going through the demise of her only child.

4. A family member, going through a medical operation with the notion that he/she may not come out of the theater alive.

The answer's simple : You would say that everything's okay, and it's going to be alright. In spite of the resounding truth, we mutter molded statements that say otherwise. We could be pious and tell the truth, but we chose not to. Telling a lie, like other things in life - is a choice. For wise people, telling lies are not at their own interest but it is for others. They tell lies, not because it is the preferred option but is the right thing to do.

Would we convey a bleak future for an innocent child who's birthday doesn't exceed the count of her right fingers, or do we instill courage for her to be strong and diligent at such a young age?

Would a mother seeking acceptance over her child's death be reminded of her recent lost, or rekindle the fulfilled life he/she had while they were alive?

Or would a patient on his/her deathbed prefer the truth of his/her predicament, or would he/she seek solidarity in the fact that they're moving on to a better place, a better state?

When that someone is a dear friend, acquaintance or even family - our lies before more profound, even boggling at times. Will we condemn the lie a sin, or uphold the sin a savior? In our relations to God, would He decree us sinners or would He lift us of noble heights? Within this context, this definition, this semantic - is there really such a thing as a white lie?

Like a knife; lies can be an agent for good or bad, we may honor it for both admirable or devastating causes. When someone lies and their lies conceived - do we assert them with punishment and foul words, or do we deliberate and contemplate into their reasons? Passing judgment of it then, remains another choice requiring reason for the benefit of the doubt - for us to make.

When we say to our friends they look good in a sweater they love but could barely fit in - we say that because we love them. When we tell our children they're a genius even though they just flunked their exams - we say that because we love them. When we say to our wives of many years she still looks beautiful among those wrinkles and aged complexion - we say that because we love them.

In the confines of these contexts; lying is not entirely a bad thing.

Here's to my parents and siblings who've (may or may not have!) done a lot of lying for me whilst I was growing up. Thank you to all of you for supplicating me with enough white lies to make me who I am today. Thank you for giving me the strength, courage and willpower to stride through my tests even though I appear my weakest, most timid and inept. Though lies conform a dishonorable stigma, you have shown me that at right times and right moments - it is the right thing to do.

It is by knowing when, where or how to lie - that conforms our own wisdom and enlightenment.

-JeP

"The one about keeping mum.."

2010-02-24T11:47:00.005+08:00

Every now and then, we hear people utter the quote "Silence is golden" and often they end up throwing the syntax out of connotation. Sometimes the notion is thrown as an assurance to ourselves; a predicament reminding us constantly that apart from our Asian roots of keeping mum, being silent does not dissuade us of being uninspired and uninformed, bordering monotonous but instead, is a measure of the opposite - we don't feel like muttering something either because we don't find a mutual connection in the conversation at hand, or we just seek excitement of throwing semantics in our heads; rather than voice them out at the mercy of having our thoughts being judged.

The lackluster in one-way communication is that you end up limiting your mentality within a small confined environment. Our perspective and personal views are dynamic; in the passing of time they evolve, as well as adapt towards our surroundings and as we mature and be wiser we inherit an almost arbitrary sense of evaluation on good over bad, right over wrong, fair over unjust. When we engage ourselves in group discussions or two-way conversations we put our ideas out there - and how we handle criticism and cynics sculpts our tolerance and forbearance. Learning to accept one's judgment, be it as deranged and prejudiced governs us prowess to self gratification of our cognition. We are entitled to our own ideas but we choose to acquire others, while adept nor unfaltering, dictate how wise we are. These people, are also those who are more articulate on their ideas in writing rather than in speaking. I can personally vouch on a few whom I've learnt much through their scribbles and manuscripts, more prominently my dear chemoboy.

I have a point to these semantics; I have been nurtured around a family that permits a conducive environment for speaking up. I have parents whom, in their own decree in life inspired my very expressive nature. My childhood was shared with siblings who don't agree by a simple "Yes" nor refuse with a single "No", but instead with a discourse of flowing conversations. In this sense I am lucky, but to digress from this epiphany my interpretations towards silence is still somewhat contradictory. While people may perceive me the happy sanguine to my darling wife Fifah's perfect melancholy, as being a matter of "opposites' attract", she has constantly reminded me that being silent on certain things begs for better prospects on their outcome. Voicing out your opinions like no one's business on everything from global warming to color coordination of towels may appear favorable to building ones character, but there are instances where silence often proves golden enough.

Silence is a choice of not bickering "in the moment"; which garners room for clear and more concise thoughts.

Silence is a choice of not rushing things; which buys time for more absolute and assiduous evaluation.

Silence is a choice of respect; which fuels diplomacy and upholds dignity.

Silence, when appropriately practiced - is often fruitful. People who practice selective-silence, are ones who often end up surprising others. Ikut resmi padi - makin berisi, makin tunduk.

Today I ended up talking to someone whom I've always considered a very silent character, and I have been surprised. Be it the right moment and the right company, you'll find the most rewarding and inspiring conversation in the most silent of characters. So don't worry if you find yourself being the silent one in a crowd - you've just haven't been talking to the right person yet, or no one has grasp to your intellectual discourse at the moment.

Then again, once in a while - put yourself out there and talk to someone. You'll never know what you'll gain.

-JeP

"The one about the acceptance of things..."

2010-02-09T07:06:00.006+08:00

The past 2-3 weeks or so has been testament to an arduous exercise of lab work, house hunting, appliance searching, and cleaning chores. Much to my defeatist pessimist persona, it wasn't the most comfortable nor convenient time I've ever spent; but the fruit consequence of this taxing journey, was dignified nonetheless. I have very few to grumble about at the moment; work's been progressing (slow but moving), I live in convenient proximity to uni, most basic appliances are up and running in the new dwelling but for most of them all, the whole process of moving has been surprisingly pleasant.

Gathering stuff for the new house has been an experience in itself; met quite a sum of people, made contact and initiated friendships in the same time. Shared stories, exchanged ideas and some even offered unconditional help. It's good to be constantly reminded of the kindness and forbearance of people - even strangers once in a while. I feel it gives you emotional composure amidst stormy paradoxes in your life; and it rather puts you at place in contentment over whatever circumstances you're in. When we share the conditions of others we increase our empathy on things, and acquire a heightened sense of security. But I guess because social interaction is already therapy in itself, having any sort of effortless conversation with anyone would already be an ameliorative regime.

Sometimes, in our darkest days we tend to follow suit into our own antagonistic view of our lives, and try to put blame on aspects that are beyond our control. In preposition of such things, we seek clarity and demand explanation over our afflictions without looking past the reason behind each adversity we face, or fall upon. I remain an aficionado that nothing happens by chance, and that everything transpires for an equal purpose. The past teaches us that most circumstances necessitate no demands for reasoning, but instead require our acceptance of it being. It is when we learn to accept the fact of our fates, that we then be able to learn something from it - and through that react accordingly. A mentor of mine once said that every challenge and hardship thrown to us in life; is like a parcel of knowledge waiting to be unwound. The passing of this parcel, in turn gives us a great gift - called wisdom.

When we accept the trials and tribulations put ahead to us, we learn to make full use of the conditions we are put on. When we have learned to achieve this; we have nothing to lose, but have everything to gain.

It is on this note that I'll always be reminding myself and others for support; for this year will be most challenging - much more than it was the previous.

-JeP

P/S : La Trobe hadn't changed much since my last departure; sure its slowly filling up with students starting their semesters in Mac, and everything's paced down following year end holidays and early year stigmas - but the people are still nice, my colleagues and office mates are as helpful, supportive and great as usual. It's good to be back.

"The one with a brother's ordeal.."

2010-01-27T07:49:00.007+08:00

Concerning the lack of updates for the past month, caring and thoughtful acquaintances have been asking me as to the lucidity of its reason. Well, in spite of everything that has transcended - at the moment I feel incompetent of penning down any recent endeavors following my very brief hiatus. It's a complex blame game of assiduous tasks versus time at hand, but has in its majority been mostly affected by the condition of someone I herald most dear.

And, in his own words - eventually it would be due time for everyone to know. Read his latest update, and the beginning of probably his hardest of battles.

Chemoboy's "Not the Primrose Path - Time to say goodbye..".

For those who can concur, it truly is a disheartening and demoralizing thought for a brother to acknowledge the dismay he's going through. But if there's something I always believe is true - miracles happen in light of our hardest effort, and God rewards those who retain their faith in darkest hours with His greatest gifts.

We extend our thank yous to everyone who've lent their care and support to chemoboy since his diagnosis in Dec 2008; feats we can never repay with apart from our undying gratitude. In that retrospect, we ask for prayers from everyone friend and family, those who know Dr Mas Afzal for his well-being. InsyaAllah, he will not be alone in this fight. InsyaAllah, he will be aided by those who love and care for him. And this time, it'll be on home soil.

God does not try His servants challenges they cannot sustain; but he rewards their efforts with riches beyond their expectations. If chemoboy can learn to accept this; it is a shame for me to be a pessimist nonetheless.

-JeP

P.S : Prayers and doa for chemoboy, hopefully this will be a fight we'll win in the end, insyaAllah.

"The one about all the thank you's..."

2010-01-12T21:52:00.023+08:00

This post has definitely conceived irrefutable delay. Forgive me for the hiatus, as I'm recovering from a very, very busy and eventful of months.

The past month has been, in bleakest of descriptions - a tenacious roller coaster ride. In its entirety the passing weeks within it has been both rewarding and trying; shape-shifting amongst themselves reciprocally. There would be times where both me and (now Mrs.) Fifah felt powerless, overwhelmed by all the details, nooks and crannies of the wedding preparations, albeit prone to a niche we have the least experience of. There would also be moments where all we craved was a bit of time out; a repose, respite from everything. Lest the journey be forgotten, it may have been hard at times - but for what seems a calamity of challenges and anguish, it was definitely worth all the grit and effort.

Yes, getting married, of all its cliches' and platitude stereotypes - has been one of the biggest blessings Allah Al-Mighty has bestowed in my life. There is no one I'd rather spend the rest of my life with but my dearest Fifah. If one were to measure heights of happiness before and after marriage, they would've have to scale it proximal of Everest and beyond - but would still end up short of dignified proportion. Us newlyweds couldn't have asked for anything more perfect; from the humble, warm and simple but meaningful nikah to the wonderful, sweet and celebrious reception on both halves. The memories mellowed lie an immortal part of our lives, as in it we tread a new path and seek a new beginning.

Roses and daisies aside - this post is especially meant for those who had made the journey worthwhile for the both of us. Individuals, whom without their company, support and heartfelt efforts; we would not have been where we are, experienced on what has been, feeling so happy and content, under the melancholy that is love and selfless devotion. This, is a post dedicated to our families; hers and mine, who had constantly been living examples of why kinship is indeed God's immortal gift to us. My sincerest, most heartfelt gratitude to all of those who have pledged their time and commitment towards the realization of our wedding.

To my in-laws, my new-found parents whom I'd learned to love over the past years - to Abah and Mak. Thank you for all your advice and support, your understanding on everything. You have made for me a smooth transition, and my heartfelt gratitude for taking me as your own. Thank you for always being so accommodating, and hopefully I'll be able to be as good a son-in-law as it is your own.

To my brothers and sisters-in-law; Sarah, Ina, Aiman, Aizudin and Iera. You are to me, like my own siblings. Thank you for accepting me into your lives as naturally as I have yours into mine, for sharing us your laughter, warmth and company.

To my extended family - aunts, uncles and cousins. You are the backbone of the whole wedding; without your conceived care and zealous engagement, the past month would had never been the triumphant reality that it is - meaningful, significant, sweet, wonderful and every bit a success story. You have been with me through trials and tribulations of the proceedings, catering to every detail and peculiarity.

Special mention to Asyraf, Yah and Nabila for their valiant efforts of rendering Lot 18 Tmn Orkid livable and hospitable. Few possess such patience and diligence that you've exhibited, and for that I am duly in debt to all of you. Thank you as well to Assif@Along whom had become such a wonderful best-man at the Seri Petaling reception.

My deepest appreciations go to Makde, whom had tirelessly designed and worked through the realizations of all my hantarans and dulangs over such short notice and time span. Many have praised over your work; pieces I've personally felt are worthy of comparison to a commercial professional's touch.

To my personal hall organizers/floor manager and Pak Andam, MakTeh and PakTeh - thank you very much for making it a smooth reception and in that a celebrated one as well. I have had reservations before on the hall and location, but like the geniuses you both are you've managed to make lemonade from lemon. Simply a sublime delivery and top-notch improvisation on the event, not to mention the food which everyone can only describe as being 'sedap-giler'. Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.

To our family far away wishing us only wonderful thoughts - the DPP clan PakTam, MakTam and Ainul; thank you for your kind wishes and thoughtful video message. It's a pain not having you guys around especially to bask in the merriness of things, but we seek solace in the consolation that all is well with you there and that we could share every inch of celebration we had with you in spirit.

To my siblings who shared my childhood memories and grown-up dreams; Andi, Afzal, Aiysha and Tiqah. Because of you, everything is worth doing, everything is worth striving for.

Thank you to Tiqah, who spearheaded the whole process of revamping Tmn Orkid and for never saying no to my every request. My most grateful recognition to Aiysha, who received the challenge of being both the family photographer and being in the director's seat for the video presentation. You've sweat and composed yourself through countless smirks, comments, annotations and criticism - but rest assured that the final product was everything that I've hoped for, and far more. Thank you for keeping abreast of your emotions, and favoring everyone else's opinions above yours.

My acknowledgments and graciousness go to my right-hand man, my dear brother Andi. Thank you very much for always being there for me, for making sure everything went well. For always putting my needs above others, for looking into details others often overlooked. My induction towards the whole endeavor becomes more tolerable because of you, and in that note I'm forever in your debt. To my dearest most missed chemoboy - Dr. Afzal; your message had drawn me to tears, thank you very much for such an endearing wish. I know that you would've given up anything to be here for the wedding; but in respite of things, we both now understand of how intricate God's plans are for the both of us, and that whatever happened, happens for a reason. What transpires, are God's best fates for the both of us. InsyaAllah, I'm sure when your time comes, we'll be united once again. This, is my promise to you my brother.

Someone once quoted to me that, parents are people not to lean onto, but instead those to make leaning unnecessary. But what would I do, but feel so lost without my most treasured pair in the world, my mom and dad. You both have been with me, garnering and fostering your support and love to us from our love's inception. You've been our solid rock; a temple of faith and myriad advices reminding us of why we yearn for each other so much. Both of you showed us the meaning of love; limitless empathy and borderless compassion which knows no bounds.

To my father, Papa - thank you very much for keeping things real for me, for constantly putting my feet firmly on the grounding. Your foresight and insights on life after marriage will undoubtedly be a tome I'll cherish the rest of my life. We love you very much.

And lastly, to my beloved mom. As I am to you your biggest treasure, know that to me you will always be my most celebrated hero. You have been our biggest supporter, the person who has never failed to give us the motivation and strive, from our courtship till our vows. Your kindest of thoughts and gesture knows no limits, and thank you very much for all the things that you've sacrificed for us.

You were the one who taught me what matters the most is not monetary things, but the heritage that binds a family. You were also the one that instilled in me, that money can always be earned, but a family is a given treasure you can no longer seek. Our wedding would have never been how it was without all your ideas and efforts, and neither would it convey such meaning without your blessings. Thank you for always looking at the positive side of things, for always giving everyone the benefit of the doubt, but most entirely for always being so selfless for others rather than yourself. We love you so so much, and will forever be indebted to you. Syurga itu terletak di tapak kaki ibu. Redhanya seorang ibu adalah pemberian teragung bagi seorang anak, dan dengan itu haruslah dia sentiasa meletakkan padanya setinggi-tinggi hormat.

My sincerest appreciation to everyone, friends and family, who've also lent a helping hand towards the wedding and passed warm wishes, whom are far too many for me to personally thank in this space. This was a wedding built on love, sailed on passion and insyaAllah left with deep humility and celebration. It was a sufficient dose of delivery and elaborateness, embedded with all the warmth and meaningfulness one could muster to receive. If thanks are the highest form of thought, and gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder - we wish everyone all the wonders and infinite happiness of the world.

"Kalau ada jarum yang patah, jangan disimpan di dalam peti. Kalau ada silap dan salah, jangan disimpan di dalam hati.."

From the bottom of our hearts - Thank you everyone, and thank you all.

-JeP

"The one with counting down the days..."

2009-12-08T20:10:00.007+08:00

For the groom, the most daunting and intimidating predicament that lies in anticipation of matrimony would be hands down the nikah proceedings. Not to be a follower of such popular suit, I am also, by definition gripped by horrifying fear of the said affair. Not that we're not familiar of such things; some prepare months in advance keeping their neurotic emotions subdued, but like a dam that holds the rising tide we're often taken away by our nervousness come that immortal moment.

I can't say that I am prepared for next week. I can't also say that I'm calm for next week. For one, I am a mixture of conundrums; anxious but nervous, scared but excited - feelings reeling a thousand times more, all encased underneath the stretches of my skin. But looking back - this feels right. This feels indefectable, immaculate. This is it. Rewind the clocks back 7 years ago, who would've thought we'd arrive to this absolute climax. We've let our love for each other blossom over the years, and with that learned as much about each other enough to dignify spending the rest of our lives together. Throughout those years, we've been through happiness and angst, blunders and accomplishments - through thick and thin we've stood by supporting each other.

For what it's worth, this is something we've always had in our minds the moment our hearts yearned for each other.

So, looking back to what we've had, and what lies ahead - she's definitely worth all this, but far far, far more.

I love this woman with all my heart, and it is with her only, that I wish to be with for the rest of my life.

-JeP

P.S : Sorry for the recent hiatus, getting married is no walk in the park guys! Looking forward to next Friday though. (Crikes!)

"The one with the motivational speaker..."

2009-11-30T11:46:00.003+08:00

Many had come up to me and inquired about chemoboy's endeavors throughout the past few months; how he's coping and how his journey manifested. As I am simply a spectator as with everyone else, I have very little to share as my personal interactions with him bounds within the early spectacles of his ordeal.

Alas, I am compelled to share with you recordings from his last motivational talk in this year's Fresher's Camp 2009. Thank you very much to the people responsible for the uploading of what I personally thought was a heartwarming, as well as inspirational talk.

Watch it here at Inspiring Talk - DR MA Session.

Among his trials and tribulations, bitterness and pain, anguish and woes - comes convivial blessings of triumph, blissful empathic delights and contented, jubilant blithe. He has come a long way, and he has emerged a wiser man. His tale is worth taking note of, if not sought inspiration from.

-JeP

P.S : A good friend of mine had informed me that a fellow friend, Fatin Nadya was among those who're still missing from the Pulau Banggi boat tragedy. Let us all pray that she will be safely found soon and remain under God's merciful protection for the time being, insyaAllah.

"The one with an aunt's birthday..."

2009-11-23T11:45:00.003+08:00

Many happy (belated!) returns to MakTam who turns (-insert age here-) last week! :D

Cheers to the woman that I've learned to cherish more as a foster parent over the years. Thank you MakTam for all those days living with you and PakTam nestled under your roof, and for always ensuring that my stay throughout was adequately comfortable. Where I am today, and what I've become - was partly yours' due; and I'm forever in debt for all your kindness and empathy throughout those years. Here's wishing you happiness beyond comparison, and triumphant achievements extending all expectations.

If there's one wish I have for you on the day you turn yet a year wiser - is for you to be bestowed with all the charms and blessings of your life, career and family. All the best for your London endeavors, and for you to return home with that Masters degree under your belt.

-JeP

"The one about my old hometown..."

2009-11-17T10:35:00.015+08:00

I can't help but have an embedded sense of fondness towards Kota Kinabalu. Without being ostentatious, every visit back here reminds me a lot about my upbringing and long-lived history with a city which once only had one McD and one Pizza Hut outlet. A place where the idea of a day's out had rarely involved spending precarious time in shopping malls and other man-made establishments. Here, when you spend a day out, you spend it in the most literal sense - outside interaction with nature and it's simplicity.

But perhaps the most enviable aspect of Kota Kinabalu, was how you'd usually end your day. By lounging the straits of the beaches; with a bag of steamed peanuts or corn in one hand and jambu batu (with layers and layers of jeruk, of course!) on the other. Miles and miles of beaches separate you with the ambient South China Sea, in midst of children making sand castles and youngsters having a go at beach soccer. The atmosphere is a mix of local vocals as you share sand space with not only Malays, Chinese and Indians - but also Kadazans, Bajaus and Muruts, among others. In the confines of that ecosystem, the harmony of multi-racism is not only pungently intoxicating, but somewhat natural. Thanks to its abundance of mixed marriages, Sabah is one of very (very) few places where racial tolerance is at its best practiced.

And as you bask in the panoramic yellow and orange sunsets Tanjung Aru has on offer, you constantly assure yourself that there isn't a place better to live your livelihood than KK.

(No visit to KK would be complete without at least a fix of this local delicacy - Yoyo milky tea.)

KK is a harbormaster of many wonderful childhood memories I've experienced in my life. In retrospect, it had garnered significant effect in sculpting my very persona as a grown individual today. I have come to accept KK as my hometown over the years, and it just melts my heart to see how far this city's grown since those days of yesteryear's. Like a proud parent, you look forward to its progression but deep inside you are yourself hesitant to its change. In all honesty, I hope the city I once called home would not lose its identity among erections of those new malls and flyovers.

Whatever future that lies ahead, KK will always remind me of all those bittersweet times I've shared on its soil.

And it's amplified come every visit, every time, every occasion I step forth on its land again.

-JeP

P.S : Back from a-weeks worth of paperwork and bureaucratic red tapes; guess who now has the permission to marry? ;D

"The one about (preparing on) getting married..."

2009-11-10T10:05:00.005+08:00

I apologize very much for my recent hiatus.

Truth is, getting married is no laughing matter guys.

Well, it was before - but that was directed AT people, not TO yourself. Having been through it (and still am) I've come to realize that it's now probably a more feasible option to elope, than to actually get properly married. Probably Awie really did have a point doing so in the past. Pun intended, of course.

For those wondering where on earth I am at the moment - rest assured that I'm back in KK for another round of marital preps. I've recently expressed concern over the ambiguous and not to mention, at times also contradictory application procedures to an Imam I met last week. My notion was replied by a unprecedented;

"Ingat senang ke nak kawen..?".

Which is, on its own another contradictory statement. Forgive my laughable knowledge of the religion, but I was always educated under the notion that Islam as a way of life - is both flexible and simple. As a matter of fact, it is one of very few religions on earth that retains these characteristics, while in the same time could remain concisely strict. The teachings are clear, but it also leaves room for improvisation to current conditions and time line. And I was led to believe that getting married involves very little red tape; it revolves around the ijab and qabul side of the nikah, with the parties consisting a wali, three witnesses and the groom. I may be wrong but do allow me the benefit of the doubt.

The point I am trying to make is this - it is (or preferably was) easy to get married. I wonder whether it was this hard to get married a decade, or probably a century ago?

Anyways, it's just my 2-cents worth. By hook or by crook, it does have to be regulated at some stage but how I'd wish regulations can be made more flexible. Alas, this is part of the experience so I guess it'll justify any means of gratification in the future.

If only there was a copy of "Kahwin - For Dummies" available somewhere.

-JeP

P.S : Many more doa's for chemoboy who's battling his last high dose chemotherapy at the moment. The journey may seem bleak but there's always that light at the end of the tunnel. We all continuously pray for your fast recovery and best being.

"The one with a real life Gerry Clarke..."

2009-10-29T07:44:00.005+08:00

Of things that melt the heart. Probably a real-life example of Cecelia Ahern's bestseller.

How would we be able to comprehend such maturity and love, one child has for her family. If one can possess such a juxtaposition of affection and empathy with having only experience little in life, do we fall on inadequate pretenses being blessed with a life full of warmth?

Yet, we always seem to be flawless in seeking faults and envy for others. Such irony; seeing that life is far too short to hold grudges and embedded smirks.

-JeP

"The one with a brother's penultimate ordeal..."

2009-10-24T08:07:00.004+08:00

The date has been set. The details have been laid out. Expectations are clear, and our hopes are a bucketful of benevolence. We've been anticipating its coming, but dreaded its arrival. Of all the pain and struggle he'd endure, now is crunch time and he'll be needing all the help and prayers he can get.

The details, divulged in chemoboy's latest post.

Hati abang mana yang tidak merintih, membaca betah nukilannya.

We all hope for the best, and that everything goes smooth and with minimal complications. My prayers are always with you, with every passing moment and every passing breath my brother.

-JeP

"The one with getting that viva la vida moment back..."

2009-10-13T18:37:00.006+08:00

[Dedicated to all those hard-working grad students drenched in sweat, grit, tears and blood working their best to get that distinguished doctorate title – wherever you are, whatever you do.]

In a nutshell – life has been like opening a can of worms. Ever had that lingering thought where you feel like you’ve accomplished nothing reinforcing, but instead constantly fall short of a panting breath as you rest your frail behind on the couch; after a full day’s worth?

Well, I have. And probably am still in that limbo perhaps.

Like other high spirited, aspiring scientists (hah!) out there – we often hold ourselves as self-proclaimed martyrs; bent on the next Nobel-worthy discovery. I say this in confidence; for all those pursuing their PhD candidature, fingers crossed of course (*wipes sweat off forehead*). Thus in this regard, on certain occasions we may unconsciously put at stake, expectations beyond our own credibility. An honest credential, provided the fact that we are nurtured onto a society which commends and rewards those who are brave and adventurous, and descend instead on the normal and rigid. Congruent it is then; for us to easily stray away from our work, especially when we do not work the plan we initially plan to work. Blame this on eventful distractions, or even our innate ability and susceptibility towards the immortal sin of procrastination. Whatever it may be, each and every one of us grad students constantly live under the fear of inadaptability; the feeling of unworthiness towards our own science – but far worse; that reeling thought of not being able to finish our dissertations on time!

But then again, it took a 30-minute general discussion with a colleague of mine to put things back into perspective. Simply put; the fears we all have are products of our own design. A flaw articulated by our own virtue of scaring the crap out of ourselves. We busy ourselves thinking about what may or may not even come to be – and in return, we actually forget about the present. Busy worrying about that research experiment waiting to happen (in a month’s time), but wail on work which is due tomorrow. The inconvenient truth is; we stray from our work as a direct consequence of escapism, to the inevitability that we think we may screw up bad or even flunk out of candidature – thrashing out the fact that the sole reason why we got here in the first place is by virtue of our own accomplishments, and nothing less. We are here on our own accord, and we definitely are able to do all this. Or else, we wouldn’t have made it this far.

In research, we become our own best mate, and our worst enemy. Our accomplishments vary only by the soles of our own abilities, and our best is only a measure of our own dedication. In research, progress is fueled by the inquisition of perseverance and hard work, and that little sprinkle of lucky dusts along the way. We defy the masses, work within our own school of thought – pursuing the defying sciences, which may have only been an imagination in days of our forefathers. In provident prudence and foresight, our journey is a canvas we convey – we being the only ones knowing its potential, prospects, and in that forethought – its end. We are those who are brave and adventurous; but why do we limit ourselves to falter the war, when the battle hasn’t even been fought?

Don’t hold back, and always know – that all the answers will indeed unfold. When are how, only we would know.

So, what are you waiting for?

Spread your wings, and soar.

-JeP

P/S : Thanks Barry for inspiration to pen down this post.

"The one with the birthday boy..."

2009-10-12T17:46:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday Chemoboy!

Here's wishing you another round of warm wishes, bucketful of joy and streams of happiness. May you always fall under the grace of Allah SWT, be blessed with a wonderful and grandly illustrious life ahead of you. There may lie hard and arduous trenches ahead, but we all know that whatever God tests you with - you'll surpass them with great patience, diligence and heartfelt empathy.

Nothing but the best wishes accompany you today, and every passing day after. Your well-being and good health are always in my prayers; in the anticipation of that grand reunion soon enough. Selamat hari lahir my brother, and many happy returns.

-JeP

"The one where I got another raya card..."

2009-09-30T10:24:00.005+08:00

Of things that melts the heart...

Got it in the mail yesterday. Thank you so much my dearest. Your card (although a few days late ;p) had indeed made my day. Thank you for going through the hassle of getting me one, as we always do every year for each other. Selamat Hari Raya to you as well. Miss you lots, can't wait to see you come year end.

-JeP

"The one with a warm Eid in the coldest of springs..."

2009-09-23T18:59:00.018+08:00

I have always harbored this bewildered, perplexing idea that I'll dread this year's Eids. What with myself being away from the family, and with chemoboy's challenges; I must admit - the notion of spending my most favorite yearly occasion overseas was not high on my list of things to do before I push 4o. Realizing God often convey rewards serendipitously in light of malevolence, I instead focused my ailing thoughts entirely on this entity called optimism. Like Jay Livingston's fictional motto - I left everything to chance; in that que sera sera spirit.

Alhamdulillah, such tranquil is the solace of faith.

Have you ever had that bemusing thought; a euphoric moment, so sensational it falters the conventions of your emotional palate? An ovation of feelings, a gasp of emotions both heart warming and heart wrenching - your lips tries a smile but instead carves a smirk? At the back of your mind, you try to fathom the happiness that you have - but instead muse in apprehension that there's still a huge piece missing from it all. This Eid's been a roller coaster of thoughts and articulated feelings, for the manner of which it was celebrated.

But, in respite - I am in debt to God for His every blessings in these very trying times.

I have always been blessed by having a little family away from home, everywhere I go, wherever I am and whatever path I am led on to. If you'd asked me how my raya went - I'd have only an answer to say and that it was surprisingly great. I'm thankful God has given me a chance to enjoy my Eids again this year. And I'm even more gratified for all the beautiful people He has added to me here - to the already colorful set of families I have.
My first Eid celebration abroad has been a very interesting and wonderful experience indeed. I have witnessed gestures of love, affection, warmth, and closeness which may not (or within reason, would never) equal my family's - but by far the difference equals a very fine line. True to test, nothing beats the feeling of being able to personally endure these such moments in your life; it shapes your very character and perseveres your roots. Testament to this, I fall back on a celestial thought that the farther you push yourself; to more you'll learn, the more you'll gain, and the more you'll appreciate. My thanks goes to everyone that shared a laugh this Aidilfitri with me here in Melbourne, and also to those who I always hold dear in my heart as well as those who have me in theirs.

A friend once asked me why I preferentially am inclined a portraitists in the pictures I took this Eids. In a verbal nod I attribute this to the simple apprehension of facial expressions versus emotions. But in actual connotations, every portrait represents parts that remind me of home. Every picture reminds me of those six people I'll always have wherever I am.
These pictures remind me of my family, my home. Mom. Dad. Andi. Afzal. Aiysha. Atiqah. With all those smiles, joy and smirks - within these pictures, I am reminded of them all.

I have learned that - if you focus on things you don't have; you'll have nothing. But if you focus on the things you already have; then you'll realize you'd have everything.

-JeP

P/S : I believe mom's already on her way back home from an Eid's well spent with chemoboy. In my prayers I do hope they've had a great one, in hopes that he'll at least be high in spirit for his next radical dose tomorrow. I wish him all the strength one can muster come this week's ordeal.

"The one where my mom writes..."

2009-09-21T14:38:00.002+08:00

A mom's take on Aidilfitri spent overseas, fueled by her love for her son and bringing a piece of home to share it with. Read her excerpts here;

Eid in Sheffield..and unconditional love, from chemoboy's "Not the primrose path..."

Home is where the heart is.

-JeP

"The one about my Hari Raya wishes.."

2009-09-18T10:02:00.007+08:00

Ucapan Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri buat kedua ibu bapa saya - Masarudin Mohd Yusof dan Nor Inchun Mohd Salleh, juga buat adik beradik saya yang sentiasa dirindui - Mas Affendi, Mas Afzal, Siti Nor Aiysha dan Siti Nor Atiqah. Ingatan tulus ikhlas Syawal buat kesemua sanak saudara saya di Ipoh, Perak dan Bentong, Pahang - semoga tahun ni perayaan Aidilfitri semakin meriah berbanding tahun-tahun sebelumnya. Mohon ampun maaf dari hujung rambut hingga ke hujung kaki atas segala salah silap dan terkasar bahasa saya.

Salam Aidilfitri buat teman-teman seperjuangan yang juga menyambut lebaran di luar negara, rakan-rakan di UPM, UKM, UM terutamanya di ITMA dan Biotech. Juga kepada semua rakan taulan yang mengenali diri ini, di mana jua anda semua berada. Buat keluarga tunang saya, Hj. Ijap sekeluarga - Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Saya panjatkan keampunan atas segala kekhilafan dan kesalahan, halalkan segala makan minum dan semoga dimurahkan rezeki.

Kepada tunang saya yang sentiasa di hati, Nur Afifah - There isn't a day here that you're not in my mind. InsyaAllah, hujung tahun ini kita bertemu semua. Salam lebaran, maafkan segala salah silap sesama kita dan moga sambutan hari raya tahun ini lebih membawa erti hendaknya.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish all my blog readers and everyone a very happy Hari Raya Aidilfitri, hopefully this year's celebrations will be as festive as the years that precedes it. I would also like to ask for forgiveness following any excerpts or posts that may have offended anyone, as well as any actions on my behalf which may have been wrongdoings onto others. Thank you very much for favoring the spaces of my thoughts here, and I hope everyone has enjoyed the ride so far.

Salam Aidilfitri dari Melbourne, Australia.

-JeP

P/S : Special Aidilfitri wishes to chemoboy who's battling his current ordeal in Sheffield. I wish you a speedy recovery and renewed spirits for the coming doses. Have great fun and rekindle those wonderful Syawal memories, insyaAllah amongst the presence of PakTam and MakTam, and especially Mom as well.

"The one with the raya ads we look forward to each year..."

2009-09-16T12:38:00.004+08:00

We may associate Raya and our celebrations with the abundance of those traditional dishes we love; among others ketupat lemang, rendang, lontong, dodol and bahulu - but let's not forget the true reason behind our every exodus this favorite time of the year.

To be among those we love the most.

Who could convey this message any better, than the late Allahyarhamah Yasmin Ahmad.

-JeP

"The one about that pre-Syawal reflection..."

2009-09-14T08:23:00.011+08:00

I personally favor this phase of Ramadhan. It's last week; a knocking few days till the eve of Syawal, into the peeking Eids. For me, this would be the laziest of days - work would seem a drag and every chore becomes impossible to attend to. In my mind, nostalgic tunes of (among others) Dendang Perantau, Selamat Hari Raya, Aidilfitri and Balik Kampung play in loops throughout my daily routines. My spirits are in high gear in anticipation for the arrival of my family from KK, and looking forward to a long break from work. Radio DJs on every station and frequency speak of raya's classic repertoires; making busy in the kitchen for those wajiks, bahulus, dodols, ketupats and rendangs - getting ready for that 1st of Syawal.

My dearest Fifah would be restless, leading towards her flight back to KK. We'd exchange cards, go for quick trips all over getting stuff she'll need for her Sabahan Syawal. On the day I send her off at the airport - we say our raya wishes for each other and ask for forgiveness on all sins committed against each other.

The next few days leading up to raya with my family would be spent parading through throngs of stalls in PKNS, looking for bargains on baju raya's for Syawal morning's proceedings. Andi would take ages to get his, while most of the time chemoboy and myself would settle for something similar. Atiqah would be under Mama's wings, while Aiysha (having her own eccentric taste) would take as long a time as Andi finding hers. As for Papa - let's just say he's not that picky as to what Mama gets him. At this time being, money seems to flow like water. Mama would have a banter with Papa over our raya itinerary, with us just gleefully having a laugh at them. Everyone with their own antics and rantings. Everything may seem hurried and rushed, especially towards raya's eve - but we would not opt for anything different every year. This is what I love most about celebrating raya; the opportunity to be with your family in its rawest form.

Within the confines of my cubicle in ITMA - lay cards from colleagues and friends. The atmosphere is filled with a heightened spirit of contentment. Everyone's just so excited for the next few days and culmination of Aidilfitri. As I flip through pages of the daily newspaper, going through Aidilfitri messages from those overseas, I rejoice in the fact that I am able to be among my loved ones on this most sacred of celebrations.

Alas,

Unfortunately, this year I fall under the irony of having my Aidilfitri message read on the spreads of Mingguan Malaysia instead.

How would you spend your last week of Ramadhan?

This year, the tables turns against my liking. Suffice to say, for everyone abroad - the last few days of Ramadhan brings back a roller coaster of emotions. Looking back, I do have my fair share of wonderful pre-Syawal moments; and in lapses of these memories it's a wonder how much everyone has grown up over the years.

It seems as if this picture was just taken yesterday, but today these two rascals are almost the height of my shoulders.

This year, Syawal would be very different for everyone, if not for myself. Aidilfitri's coming would be welcomed in a different tune, unconventional, and defying the norm. This year, we would have to seek solace in Aidilfitri's true meaning; a celebration against our victory over ourselves. Like how MakTeh has put it - a return to our fitrah, after a month's reflection over the blessings of Ramadhan. This year, if I have anything to be merry for, it'd be for this.

Then again, raya has never been the same since three years ago. Because, this would be thrice the Eid's passes without her to celebrate it with.

Thank you for always being that person I look forward to seeing every raya. Thank you for always putting up with my antics with you in the kitchen (while you whisk that serving of my favorite kuah kacang, rendang and nasi himpit) on raya's eve. Thank you, wan, for all those memories for me to remember you by. I've missed you ever since, and will always have you in my prayers.

To my beloved grandmother, al-Fatihah.

I guess we all have a lot of things to be thankful for. Instead of concerning ourselves with things we've lost or don't have (at least this year), it'd be a valor to focus more on things we should rejoice for - health, friends, and the opportunity to still spend another serving of Aidilfitri. This year, I'll find that raya spirit in all things that remind me of home - the food, the atmosphere, the celebrations, and more importantly; the people. As chemoboy would put it - we may be far, but our hearts are next to each other. If he can find optimism within his circumstances, I would bear no less a similar feat.

One thing's for sure - I might be away for this year's Syawal; but I'll have everyone here with me to celebrate it with come this Sunday, in spirit. In this sense, Aidilfitri would be no different than the previous years.

Alhamdulillah, God is ever merciful.

-JeP

"The one about that record holding (sweet) video.."

2009-09-11T08:15:00.011+08:00

Chemoboy has his debut on the director's chair; with a wonderfully nice video he'd put up on his Facebook wall. It's a short flick depicting that one thing we'll always have till the day we die - family. Our family, of course.

For those inclined for a peek, here's the link;

"Distance Makes The Heart Grow Fonder"

Definitely one which will decorate onto my favorite's list. These are those sorta things that makes your heart melt and induce those glands for such a teary episode. Compliments of chemoboy; thank you so much for sharing. We all miss everyone very dearly, wherever we are and whatever we're pursuing.

"We might be miles apart - but our hearts are right next to each other. I love you all to bits, until that day when all of us are united again."

Everyone has been yearning for that longed reunion after all these years, and in true honesty; I couldn't have put it much better myself.

-JeP

P/S : Prayers and doa's for chemoboy, as he's recuperating from his first radical dose of chemotherapy, and wishing him all the strength, perseverance and faith for his next serving come a day before Raya's eve.

"The one (in)sight that's crystal clear..."

2009-09-04T10:19:00.011+08:00

Its funny, that I find ourselves responding upon things by its face-value. A characteristic snuggery, a product arising from our mortal thoughts and an uninformed mind. More often than not, sometimes we fail to look through all the facets that seal our fates, and the vision that transpires our condition - in turn missing many of life's greatest lessons God shows us. Sometimes, these 'epiphanies' come in many shapes and forms and tales; often mistaken as just another random observation by our human eye.

Ramadhan imparts wisdom only God can give, in ways many often misjudge.

Her footsteps were cautious; her path was wobbly. The strong winds had done nothing much to aid her journey, and in the midst of the blowing breeze her canine mate remained loyal to her bid. I had bear witness the power of human will over circumstance in its truest form. A sight-challenged woman and her walk-dog; a servant-master reciprocal behavior. A companion, ready by your side at your most desperate and dire needs. One that you can always count on; one you can even gamble your life to. As I observe the duo cross the road effortlessly, I took heed in one of life's fundamental intricacies. The adept determination of one's self. If she can overlook the circumstances that befalls her and live life as normally as others would without any mutter of complaints, it would be a shame if I were to find flaws in every blessing I have. Alhamdulillah, I may not have everything I need, but I have everything I need and that alone a requisite to be thankful for.

I also had the wonderful opportunity of having my Iftar later that evening with another special person, whom helped me cement what seemed like an epiphany of sorts; a celebration of gratitude in this holiest of months. His name was Shamsuri, and was in Melbourne for a brief holiday. His sentiments on Bundoora has been very kind, complementing every nook and cranny of being very picturesque; not even a deterring comment on the icy-weather and cold winds we had that week. I can't even catch my breath complaining about it. He's been in Melbourne for a few days, and had been prancing about the suburbs - he was planning for a sight-seeing tour of the city come next sunrise. On the surface, this may seem a normal plan to look forward for - only Shamsuri has one slight disadvantage. He's also a sight-challenged individual.

[Picture courtesy of Fendi]

Fendi worked out the courage to ask him as to how he'd actually enjoy such pleasures in his condition but his concurrent answer left even me speechless.

"For others, they see by looking. I see by feeling. My interaction with the world my whole life, has been about feeling. But are my perceptions any different than yours?"

His words caught me by surprise. It is true, that if senses are confounded by our ability to see, hear, speak and taste - then our interactions with the world remain only electrical impulses between our receptors and our brain. We forget to have some sense of empathy to our surroundings, and because of that we fall victim of always taking things for granted. We oversee what we are blessed with, and forget how it feels to have it before we're robbed of it. In Islam, we're reminded to pay heed of five blessings before five predicaments.

Sihat, sebelum sakit. Muda, sebelum tua. Kaya, sebelum miskin. Lapang, sebelum sempit. Hidup, sebelum mati.

As with others, I acquire many inept flaws which holds me humble. In my deepest darkest hours I almost never fail to question the reality that besets me, wondering the whys and the whats. Like every normal sentient consciously capable of feeling or perception, the sense of insecurity, remorse and regret can arise a vigorous enemy. But, Ramadhan's coming this year had inculcated such a huge appreciation for life itself, and stood a prudent reminder for me to always be grateful towards everything I have, own, am and will be. I've been blessed all my life, regardless, in ways I often foresee by its face-value. It took two blind people to remind me of this, and for that I am humbled.

Life, is indeed a long lesson in humility.

-JeP

"The one about the soil earned in blood, sweat and tears..."

2009-08-31T08:22:00.013+08:00

We seem to live in a different Malaysia nowadays. So different, that our minds often fall distant from the fact that we came from such humble roots.

Tun may have penned the epic line "Melayu mudah lupa..", but how long until someone else coins Malaysians mudah lupa..?

Caucasians living under the liberty of their own governance over freedom - have little to be proud of compared to Asians who had to fight for everything we own today, although this may blatantly appear a biased opinion. Be it the tall buildings we bring up, the cars we drive in, the roofs we're under, and even the air we breathe. Such easy and simple pleasures as these, had came through enormous efforts; blood, tears and sweat borne by our forefathers, a penance for the right to be masters of our own fore-land. The pages of history books pens down their journey from thought to action, leading on to grit and spirit. We owe everything we have today, as much to them as to God Himself.

Lest there are people who forget this fact - every year we are reminded as to how it all started. From the British occupation, to the rise of the Japanese, to the grip of communists. From Persekutuan Tanah Melayu to Malaya, and to what we now all dearly regard as Malaysia. We have tread a long and arduous path, but as Tun had always reminded us; "...alas our fates are not set in stone; keeping our independence is yet a longer journey in itself."

Like every other year, I'm glad I still have the opportunity to wish this blessed land many happy returns. The question is, would we be able to retain such conditions and give our children the right to do so in the future?

Nationality isn't given based on the words our native tongues mutter, yet today we always manage to find fault in the simplest of situations. We forget that once we were racial-blind, conformed to only one identity, one target, one objective - under the realization that there were just so many of us, but only one country to share. In a perfect world a citizen is not judged based on the shape of our eyes and the skin that covers our body. In a perfect Malaysia, we are united under one flag, one racial identity. For each and everyone of us sought solace, under this one blessed land. We may be many, but our hearts are one.

This is our land, our country, our own. This, is our Malaysia.

Happy Birthday Malaysia - here's wishing you another prosperous and glorious year ahead. May we live to see many more, and for us to always be able to call you home.

Selamat Menyambut Hari Kemerdekaan ke-52.

-JeP

"The one about the first overseas sungkai..."

2009-08-24T07:58:00.016+08:00

How fast time flies. Today's the 3rd of Ramadhan, and we had just only begun the week.

Ramadhan conveys different connotations to different people. Thus, it's debut day brings more or less great meaning especially if you've experienced many Ramadhans beforehand. For most of us, we look forward very much to the coming of our first break-fasting - eagerly stuffing the table with a selection of local favorites and decadent delicacies. The diversity of food we have goes unchallenged at any other point of the year, than on this blessed month itself. We'd give in to growling stomachs and parched lips; enjoying ourselves to a feast of foods we'd usually stray away as our daily meal. Menus which are only fit for specific occasions and celebrations, are also abundant during this time of the year. It's rather safe to say, whatever your taste-buds desire - can be found within a mere distance away.

Ramadhan, in this manner rekindles the notion of how lucky and blessed we are - as far as the selection of food goes, and a solemn reminder that we should always be thankful to God; for there are people all over the world who can't afford such luxuries in their lives.

But to others, this unification of break-fasting means that they can catch up on the lives of their counterparts and family - for some this would be the only time the whole family gathers together and provides means to make up for lost time. For these people, the lust for food comes secondary over their desire for social interaction. Meals which are usually consumed apart from the entertainment of company turns full scale merry, as everyone gathers together to break-fast as sunset beckons. In this sense, for these people - that moment of silence in the air as one formally recites the break of fast doa, is one of the most touching parts for performing Islam's third pillar.

Ramadhan, in this manner gives us the chance to reflect on the existence of people that matter the most to us, who loves us unconditionally and for who we are. In this sense, we are also reminded of how fortunate we are to still have them around; whereas there exists those who don't share the same fate.

If you were to ask me, as how my 1st of Ramadhan fared - the answer's quite simple, really. I spent my 1st Ramadhan break-fast overseas with the presence of wonderful, colorful people. With the abundance of local Malaysian-Singaporean menus. Over a nice, warm gathering where we enjoyed both the food and each other's presence. That, is something far better than what I'd expect as my first experience bersungkai in a foreign land.

Nothing would be able to equal the feeling of celebrating Ramadhan in Malaysia, amongst my family and dear friends - but if there's one thing I've learnt from the wisdom of experience, is that you always carry a piece of them wherever you are. You don't search for people to replace them with, but in your memories you share their spirits and the feelings they remind you of. Whatever it may be, Ramadhan is not only a month in which we offer our all in praises to God Almighty. It brings with it, many more deep meanings; and those meanings offer different perspectives as to how we come about welcoming this holiest of months wherever we are and however we may be.

In that respect - I'm not actually alone spending this Ramadhan, after all. I'm spending it with everyone else back home, just like old times. It is not the physical in things that leaves a mark, but within the spirit of it that affects us.

So - how did you guys spend your 1st of Ramadhan this year? :)

-JeP

P/S : I hope everyone back home and Chemoboy in Sheffield had as nice an opening Ramadhan as I did here, if not much much better. Doa's for chemoboy for his coming treatments.

"The one blessed month, meant for God's worship..."

2009-08-21T08:37:00.006+08:00

Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan al-Mubarak 1430H !

jepsloci.blogspot.com wishes it's readers around the globe a very blissful and blessed Ramadhan, which graces our calendars tomorrow. May its coming this year bring all of us the opportunity to dedicate ourselves much closer to Allah spiritually.

I would also like to personally use this space to extend my sincerest apologies to everyone for any wrongdoings and faults I may have inflicted; intentional or unintentional, deliberate or unwittingly. Humans are by definition flawed; to the perfectness of its Creator and therefore regularly sin amongst themselves.

That said, I'm looking forward to my 1st Ramadhan abroad and being around new faces and places. A lot has been planned here in Bundoora alone, so hopefully the experience shall be closely reminiscent to back home.

Happy fasting everyone! :)

-JeP

P/S : Special mention to chemoboy, who among others will indefinitely have both an interesting and highly challenging Ramadhan to look forward to. Thank you for all your constant doa's for him. InsyaAllah, by Allah's will he shall pull through whatever ordeal is passed onto him the next few weeks (and months) to come.